Saturday, 25 June 2016

How to Combat Post Referendum Bitterness

Ware-Armitage here. Yes the EU referendum is over and done with now and the result was a win for those who want Britain to go it's own way in the world.

I, personally, voted to stay in the EU because that way less people would have the chance to become richer than me and there is nothing worse in this world than someone with more money than one. These people make me want to throw up all over the floor.

Anyway, a lot of the good peasants of this land are naturally a trifle unhappy with the result and are in a state of disappointment, confusion, worry and incontinence. So I have come up with a tip-top piece of advice that will help anybody overcome post EU-referendum blues

"But why is this so important Ware-Armitage" I hear people ask. Well it's important because the blues can lead to long-term unhappiness. Long-term unhappiness can lead to depression, depression can lead to anger and we all know what anger can lead to; yes that's right anger can lead to a global thermonuclear war and we don't want that do we.

So if you find yourself suffering a little because of the referendum result, or indeed any such mild trauma then follow my tip top advice as to how to deal it before something terrible happens. 

You will need the following;

1) One large petrol tanker

2) A large supermarket

3) A large black flag with some squiggly lines on.

4) A day off

Simply, attach your large, black, squiggly flag to the side of your petrol tanker. Get inside, start the engine and drive at top speed to your selected supermarket shouting 'Admiral Ackbar' or something like that, and then crash it into the main entrance taking as many people with you as you possibly can. With a bit of luck the impact will trigger a chain reaction igniting the petrol in the tanker, causing an horrific explosion and what have you. If you're lucky the thrust caused by the blast will propel you clear of the scene and you can then carry on with your normal, daily activities such as doing the washing up, buying vegetables and passing water on people doing their shopping in Top Man, etc.

Follow this procedure and you will immediately feel born again with a whole new outlook on life. All your concerns about the EU will have evaporated in your quest to evade the filth (police).