Billion Dollar Business Proposition

Scum

Ware-Armitage here. You know recently I've been musing about how clever I am and therefore by default how err... disappointing others are. I'm not really one for labelling people and all that sort of thing but I know full well that if I did refer to people as stupid then I'd end up in trouble with the blogging legal team or all that sort of scum.

Anyway, because of my vast cleverness I recently came across a marvellous idea that is the going to make me one of those internet billionaires. Yes that's right an internet billionaire! No namby-pamby wishy-washy millionaire no Sir! Not that poor lot! With their solitary million that won't even buy a cardboard box in some parts of London these days I tell you. Not only that but the idea is so simple it is going to change the world!

I Did it My Way

Frank Sinatra

You know I've been ruminating recently about how amazing I am and how incredible my life is. I started with nothing don cha know and have made to where I am today with a bit of luck, some very good investing, hard work, skill and judgement.

If I can do it then anybody can! People need to get up orff their arses and just go for it. There is nothing stopping anyone these days and there is no point whining about it. Nobody just becomes successful by sitting on their huge, horrible, hairy, malodorous backside and expecting everything to just fall in to their lap! No Sir by Jimeny it simply doesn't work that way!

How to Reduce Unemployment.

Posterior

Right so unemployment is high again and all the politicos are desperately hunting for ways to bring the figures down. Well why don't they get their act together and ask me what I would do?

Yes that's right 'ask me what I would do.' Many a young turk thinks that I am some sort of clot who barely knows how lavatory paper is applied correctly. Well while that may be the case I am also in the fortunate position of having enough money to pay somebody to apply it to my rather magnificent posterior on my behalf. Now who's laughing?

Artificial Intelligence

Intelligence

Right then! I've heard some absolute ARSE in my time but this week I heard something that had more ARSE in it than all the other ARSE I've heard in my time put together. 

Some boffin called Demis Hassabis has been spouting on about how clever he is and also how clever his company called DeepMind is. The boffins at DeepMind have been concentrating on developing artificial intelligence for computers. 

Socialist Potholes

Typical Socialist Pothole

Just been reading about potholes! Yes that's right pot holes. Apparently the UK government has allocated £168 million of MY MONEY to 148 local councils (over 60% of which are socialist) across the country to fix the blasted things. It's a disgrace!

But what is a pothole anyway? Well it's a large hole in a road that forms when predominantly socialist councils behave like absolute sha'ars and neglect to do things properly. Typically surface water undermines the road surface substrata weakening it's structural integrity, (this is, incidentally the same principle that socialists use to take over councils, metropolitan areas and nations. 

Cross Dresser Closet Conundrum.

Right then, it's only the sixth day of the new year and already I'm having problems at Ware-Armitage Munitions Inc.

You may recall Ware-Armitage Munitions Inc is a defence industry manufacturer for all domestic and external needs that need defending against things attacking your defences.

Well that's enough of that. So here on the sixth day of the new year one stinker of an employee had tried to go and shaft everything at my expense. I reckon it was deliberate myself but due to me being very clever I outsmarted the bleeder him.

Latest Eurozone Forecast Results

 Growth Forecast 

Results just released this morning show disappointing results from both France and Germany over the third quarter. Both countries have been affected by the economic slow down that has brought havoc across the Eurozone. 

In total Germany has seen only a 0.1% rise in news stories worthy of talking about which, in practical terms means a total of 10,352 news stories across the media in the third quarter. Meanwhile in France news stories have done better than expected at 0.3% for the same period equating to nearly 17,645 different news stories.

How to Obtain Clean Cutlery at a Restaurant?

Dirty Fork

Etiquette is becoming more and more important these days as more and more illegal immigrants enter the country. As this facet of modern life encroaches deeper into our daily lives standards start to slip, leading to carelessness, carelessness leads to apathy and as we all know apathy leads to global conflict. 

This is why I feel it is important to make a stance and ensure that the important things in life are maintained at all costs. Take, for instance, cutlery. Clearly, clean cutlery is essential to maintain high morale else anarchy ensues and all that sort of thing.

Men -v- Women: Multi-Tasking

Multi-tasking

Ware-Armitage here, been away for a while due to some 'local business' with copper, pigs and the bills, if you know what I mean... Anyway that's enough of that, let's get on with the blog.

Was reading an article today about men, women and multitasking. Apparently women are far better at multitasking than men according to a study by Doctor Dr Gijsbert Stoet, of the University of Glasgow.

How To End Ivory Poaching.

Ivory Trade. Burning Ivory Doesn't Stop This Business

See this photograph? Do you see it? Well this is a consequence of the Ivory Trade.

A ghastly business that causes much trouble around the world's more disappointing countries where, coincidently, a lot of elephants live.

Channel Tunnel: Complete Disaster!

Foreigner Getting on a Bus

Just been reading about a spat between The Channel Tunnel Consortium and those fellows at the EU. 

Apparently the EU are up in arms about the cost of the fares that the Channel Tunnel Consortium are charging.

The tunnel itself was opened in 1994 after ten thousand years of construction delays and all that sort of thing. It was supposed to facilitate a faster way to traverse the English Channel as opposed to the slow, stinking, latrine of a ferry full of Gypsies, Pagan Swine, manure and other types of people.

Apple iPad Air: Review

Throw an Apple Today

Right then! Those jonnies at Apple Inc have done the right thing and given me one of their things called an iPad Air to review. You may recall that I reviewed one of their earlier models a while back. 

Well as I said this new one is called the iPad Air. Bit of a silly name if you ask me however, we all find air in tonic water and we find tonic water in Gin so I think I can see where they are going with this and their next models but I digress. 

The iPad Air is lighter and slimmer than the previous one which means it is easier to transport around and not such a strain on one's  hand and wrist. This has both pros and cons for me and my relationship with my servants if ever they come off that blasted strike.

Apple iOS 7, Update: Review

iOS 7 Update: Review

Just had the Apple iOS 7 update downloaded onto my telephone.

This is the new operating system that the boffins at the Apple corporation have been touting as a revolutionary change from the past. They have been publicising this for months now and have finally released it.

Conflict in Syria: No Chemicals Used

Anniston: using Ware-Armitage cleaning products

Having sold weapons to both sides in the current conflict in Syria from day one of this civil war I  can safely say that no chemical weapons have been

S.P.W.A. and the Work/Life Balance

One understands the importance of an all round Work/Life balance and that is why one has been a strong advocate of all this sort of thing all ones life.

For one, a work life imbalance proves very difficult to sustain on a long term basis. I mean one has just to look at ones family life and the stress it can play with the wife and even the girlfriends too if you let it get out of control. Also the imbalance lead to many problems with ones own ghastly children and relatives in general.

And because of this work started to become affected too. In general one feels that a Work/Life imbalance is important for all and sundry.

So the first thing one did was to reduce ones hours per week from as much as 60 down to 30 hours per week down the pub. Also one decided to reduce the amount of Gala Luncheons one attended from five per month down to two per week. One was also able to make other improvements; to spend more time at the family villa in Tuscany while the family stayed in Chalfont-St-Peter. More time with the children was also facilitated and one was able to hire another nanny for them to play with. 

Of course some sacrifices were needed in order for a complete balance and to help pay the extra nanny one sacked  few dozen staff and managers at Ware-Armitage Motors and The Ware-Armitage Munitions factory whilst instructing the others to work more hours for less money and all that sort of thing.

Anyway, since instigating a better Work/Life balance one has felt much more at peace and is able to sleep much better, appreciate life more and at the same time have a little extra cash due to the sackings. Ones mind is at peace.

Thatcher Funeral: The Sponsorship Deals

My Sentiments Exactly!

Saw that funeral yesterday of Thatcher! That Grocer's daughter, or should that be groser daughter? caused havoc and chaos to every man, woman and child across the country during her reign! It was a disgrace. For everyone the suffering was unimaginable! 

These politicians are notorious for being completely out of touch with real life. Wallowing in their government mansions in central London and in the countryside at Chequers and Chievening and bathing in copius amounts of Taxpayers money.

Eastmas? Christer? What's going on?

Egads man one was in the blasted supermarket this morning, laughing at 'Le Grande Levee' and also reminiscing about when the servants used to do this sort of thing, when I saw that they had blasted hot crossed buns and cream eggs for sale!

What is that all about? Those things are for Easter are they not? Easter is bloody miles away! Can't they give it while before selling this kind of thing? I mean one hasn't even finished eating one's mince pies yet.

This is typical of The Church trying to cash in on the post Christmas fervour and promoting their religious fanaticism for when Easter comes along, where we celebrate St Cadbury and his followers St Schweppes and St Gin and a few others and we all drink Tonic Water or something like that.

Well one isn't buying into it! I haven't even recovered from my blasted New Year's hangover yet! These people make me sick! These's only one thing to do with that sort, nail them all to posts! That's the only sort of language they understand.