Billion Dollar Business Proposition

Scum

Ware-Armitage here. You know recently I've been musing about how clever I am and therefore by default how err... disappointing others are. I'm not really one for labelling people and all that sort of thing but I know full well that if I did refer to people as stupid then I'd end up in trouble with the blogging legal team or all that sort of scum.

Anyway, because of my vast cleverness I recently came across a marvellous idea that is the going to make me one of those internet billionaires. Yes that's right an internet billionaire! No namby-pamby wishy-washy millionaire no Sir! Not that poor lot! With their solitary million that won't even buy a cardboard box in some parts of London these days I tell you. Not only that but the idea is so simple it is going to change the world!

Moustache Breakdown: Ryan Pike

Superstructure

Moustaches, yes that's moustaches! Once the purview of the masses in the Western world it signified the end of childhood for a young man and the start of a career as canon fodder for the Great Imperial British military.

I tell you now that of all the myriad examples of Great British military incompetence and catastrophe at the very least all the men went down with a decent moustache across their face. No namby-pamby wishy-washy crippity-crappy clean shaven nonsense here I can tell you. No Sir by Jimeny No! 

Single or Double Vented Blazer? The Options

Downward Blast 

Right then so vents on blazers! That's right vents on blazers, is it a hullabaloo or something important? Well obviously it's important else I wouldn't be writing about it. The question is why is it important? Should a person don a double, single or no vented blazer? There's just so much to choose from. Ultimately it all comes down to personal choice as there are pros and cons for each variant. Well with this quick handy blog post I hope to answer those questions and may be a few more. First up the no-vent.

Bum Implants

Stands In Front of Walls

By Berlusconi's balls what is the world coming to? Just look at this photograph? This person has had surgical thingybobs implanted into her buttocks to try to enhances her attractiveness. 

I'm sorry but who is she trying to attract with an enhanced arse? There are only two things that I know of that shows any interest in an arse. The first are the hounds, while the second is the minstrel Elton John so what's the point?

One supposes that may be in winter time the lavatory seat gets a trifle chilly so the buttock implants would cushion the more tender parts from the cold, in which case that isn't a bad idea especially if one could attach a battery to each implant and warm it up a tad.

Hats Orff...

Good God what the bloody hell is going on!?

I've seen some damn fool things in my time but this marks the beginning of the end. What was this individual thinking? They must be on drugs or worse still, blended scotch!

And just look at the colour of that material. I wouldn't be seen dead in it. It's a cross between pink lavatory paper and 50,000 volts through a person's wedding tackle! It's a disgrace!

Milan, Italy: Fascism Week

Incontinent

Italy is an oddball don cha know! Although the last World War ended a few weeks ago the people of Milan hold a festival every now and then and call it Fascism Week.

The week consists of very well dressed and in some cases very bizarrely dressed fascionisti walking up and down a long plank of wood with very serious countenances.

These individuals typically consist of a lot of Nancy-Boys and Girls, all of whom are either  ill, thin or judging from the way they walk, appear to be suffering from gastro-intestinal complications, such as piles or hemorrhoids, diarrhoea, constipation, worms or have an implement such as a bicycle pump or suppository stuck up their backsides. Failing all that they have all shat in their undergarments. What a ghastly shower!

While this poncing about on planks of wood is all very well one doesn't exactly see what on earth this has to do with Fascism. Although the Fascists of 70 to 80 years ago had very smart uniforms and all that sort of thing one can't help but feel something went wrong somewhere. The fascists I mowed down all those years ago were are fit and  healthy lot with an appetite for a good ole scrap! 

This lot of pooves, on the other hand, couldn't fight their way out of a wet paper bag. I mean can you imagine having to go into battle with these incontinents on your side? Of course not! 

If this lot want to walk along a plank then I recommend they do just that, only on one that is tied to the side of ship.

Celebrity Plastic Surgery: Before and After

Television Detritus

It appears that being old and getting older is not only undesireable but is also unfashionable! Nonsense!

Numerous actors and that sort of detritus, like this nancy-boy on the right here, that appear on the telly, have taken to visiting the butcher and hacking large chunks of themselves off of their fatuous faces to try to make it look as though they are of a younger age. Codswallop! That's what I say. Codswallop! 

What's the matter with these people? Are they insecure? Frightened of getting old? Scared of dying? Worried that people won't look at them any longer? Well people are looking at this lot alright and for all the wrong reasons.

It's discrimination that's what it is! Downright ageism. In looking younger they think they are younger! Well they're not! They are just more stupid and out of touch with reality.

Just look at Melanie Griffiths for example. She seems to think that having her jaw permanently fixed further forward than her nose is attractive! No it isn't! It makes her resemble a damn fool

Lock Jaw

While this man known as carrot-top thinks that attaching electric wires to his wedding-tackle will improve his act. Err he may be right on that one though....

Electric Wires to wedding-tackle

While Micheal Jackson didn't even bother getting any surgery done he just hired an imposter to take his place and not a very good one at that!

Hire and Imposter?

While this complete shower, Gary Busey, has gone for the Startled-Rabbit-Caught-in-Car-Headlights look.

Should have electric wires attached to wedding-tackle

There's nothing wrong with getting old, looking old and being old. If this shower of people and many more of em besides, want to alter their appearance then it's not facelifts they need,  its a bullet through the head. That's the only sort of lanugage they understand.

S.P.W.A - v - Armani

Would you buy clothes from this man?

S.P.W.A. was walking along the street this morning

W.A.G.   was walking in the opposite direction

S.P.W.A. and W.A.G. were on collision course.

S.P.W.A. moved a little to the left

W.A.G.   remained on course

S.P.W.A. moved a little more to the left

W.A.G.   kept on

S.P.W.A. moved back to the right a little

W.A.G.   kept on

S.P.W.A. aligned his briefcase with W.A.G.’s shopping bag

W.A.G.   kept on course

S.P.W.A. increased speed

W.A.G.   kept on course obviously thinking she had divine right to use the pavement willy-nilly

S.P.W.A.’s briefcase was laden with personal documents and six house bricks.

W.A.G.   was carrying large paper bag with ’Armani’ written upon it.

S.P.W.A. knew what was coming

W.A.G.   didn't

S.P.W.A.s’ briefcase connected with W.A.G.s shopping bag.

W.A.G.s’ shopping bag entered lower Earth orbit earlier this afternoon

S.P.W.A. pisses himself laughing

W.A.G    starts blabbering some incomprehensible claptrap typical of that sort of non-recommendable person.

S.P.W.A. - 1 ..... Armani - O

Crivens! Look at that!

THIS SATURDAY EVENING DRESS

Lawks a-lordy! Just take a look at that bit of stuff EVENING DRESS. She's IT'S fantastic! By Jove She's IT'S spectacular! Crivens I've got to have her ONE for  a function on Friday evening  THE REFENCE CATALOGUE. My God man she's IT'S incredible. Look at the size of them COLOUR, PATTERN AND CUT. VERY NICE INDEED DON'T YOU KNOW.

I bet she's gagging for it REALLY PLEASED WITH IT! I must say that I'm on  top form after seeing this one OF THE OPINION THAT THIS COULD BECOME THE LASTEST FASHION ACCESSORY. 

I wonder where I can find her ONE. If anybody knows where I can get my hands on this bit of totty BUY ONE then for God's sake let me know.


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