Ware-Armitage -v- The Borough of Slough

Traffic Warden

Slough, yes Slough this town has had it in for me for years don cha know! It all started 21st October 1975 when I parked my car for a few minutes to get myself a potato masher from the local Do-It-Yourself hardware shop on Dingwall Street. 

When I came out, with a rather dubious potato masher I hasten to add, a sodding Yellow Crested Parking Eagle had issued me with a parking ticket on behalf of the local borough council! I wasn't going to have that!! So I ran up to this animal and explained to it that the parking was an emergency and the potato masher was for Timmy, a small child who was confined to living in an isolation bubble, had not had a hug in three years and his previous potato masher had died after it had escaped into the polluted atmosphere of the Slough environs. That one nearly always wins but the bleedin Traffic Warden accused me of lying! Moir!? A liar!? Bloody disgrace! Well, admittedly it was a lie but that's not the point is it?! She said I was a liar!

The Mystery of Stonehenge Solved!

The Builders

Yes Stonehenge, that's right Stonehenge. This quite amazing neolithic feature of the British countryside was started in in the year 2600 BC and finished in or about the morning of the 3rd May 2000 BC. I don't know about you but they must have had some pretty dicky builders doing that one! Mind you 600 years to complete that is nothing when you consider that the Parthenon is Athens still hasn't been finished, rotters!

According to Google Stonehenge is currently owned by that fat tub of lard Edward Seymour the 1st Duke of Somerset which is laughable because the twit was executed in 1552. What is even more laughable is that fact that google then provide a telephone number for him so if anyone wants to get back to me and tell me if he's in I'd love to know, here is that number 0870 333 1181. 

Socialist Potholes

Typical Socialist Pothole

Just been reading about potholes! Yes that's right pot holes. Apparently the UK government has allocated £168 million of MY MONEY to 148 local councils (over 60% of which are socialist) across the country to fix the blasted things. It's a disgrace!

But what is a pothole anyway? Well it's a large hole in a road that forms when predominantly socialist councils behave like absolute sha'ars and neglect to do things properly. Typically surface water undermines the road surface substrata weakening it's structural integrity, (this is, incidentally the same principle that socialists use to take over councils, metropolitan areas and nations. 

Return the Elgin Marbles Say I!

George Clooney

Just been reading about Camal Clooney, wife of multi-millionaireHollywood actor George Clooney, sticking her oar in about the subject of the Elgin Marbles. Well what has it got to do with her I ask you? She gets married to a Hollywood superstar, who is jealous of my looks and then launches this campaign to try and freeze me out of the limelight. It's a disgrace!

Err... anyway for those who are not well versed in this matter the Elgin Marbles are a collection of Classical Greek marble sculptures, inscriptions and architectural pieces, hand crafted by Davros Phidias and his assistants a million years ago that were originally part of the temple of the Parthenon and other buildings of the Acrapalot.

Cross Dresser Closet Conundrum.

Right then, it's only the sixth day of the new year and already I'm having problems at Ware-Armitage Munitions Inc.

You may recall Ware-Armitage Munitions Inc is a defence industry manufacturer for all domestic and external needs that need defending against things attacking your defences.

Well that's enough of that. So here on the sixth day of the new year one stinker of an employee had tried to go and shaft everything at my expense. I reckon it was deliberate myself but due to me being very clever I outsmarted the bleeder him.

Ridiculous Smoking Ban in Public Parks!

Banned!

Right then! Do you see this photograph? do you? Do you see anything wrong with it? Do you see a war crime being committed? 

No! Well neither do I but what's happing in this photograph will soon become an historic anachronism if a bunch of, loons stalking the corridors of power have their way! 

What Lord Ara Kharzi of the London Health Commission is trying to do is to ban smoking outdoors in public parks, beaches, outdoor swimming pools, outdoor sex parties and zebra crossings all over Greater London area in order to make everybody healthier. It's a disgrace!

Organic Food

Right then, there seems to be a terrible hullabaloo these days about organic foods. Apparently a lot of
modern foodstuffs are industrially produced over-salted, over-sweetened petrochemicals that, whilst taste quite delicious, are in fact no more nutritious than a cold shower

This all means that what we eat is slowly killing large percentages of the population which is generally frown upon. Also manufacturers of these 'foods' are getting away with it, disgraceful, and also making a lot of money in the process, umm..

How to Construct a Climate Change Simulator

Planet Earth

As usual there seems to be an awful lot of hullabaloo about climate change. One focal point of concern is the models used to attempt to simulate climate change and its effects across Chalfont-Saint-Peter, Berkshire, Weston-Super-Mare and other parts of the planet.

Typically the methods used involve very large computers collecting data from all over the place like Teddington Lock, Runnymede, Watford Gap Service Station and other places of importance.

Australian Predators: Nation of Innovators

Two Victims swim for their lives

One has just been reading about those clever chappies in Australia who have come up with a tip-top idea to prevent attacks by great white marine predators.

The innovative fellows there have gone round and tagged 250 of the more massive of these horrifying creatures with an electrical device that can transmit the position of these hideous man-eaters to a monitoring centre. 

Global Warming...? Global Farting!

Vanessa Feltz

Just been reading up on a theory about dinosaurs and global warming. Apparently the blighters gassed themselves all to death by billowing out billions of tons of methane.

The scientists based their theory on the methane producing capacity your common or garden cow.

How To End Ivory Poaching.

Ivory Trade. Burning Ivory Doesn't Stop This Business

See this photograph? Do you see it? Well this is a consequence of the Ivory Trade.

A ghastly business that causes much trouble around the world's more disappointing countries where, coincidently, a lot of elephants live.

Real Cause of Climate Change: The Truth.

Bloody Weather

Just been reading on wikipedia and also BBC Radio 4 about the causes of climate change. The Radio programme had both sides of the argument making pertinent points and giving credible evidence to promote their ideas. 

On the one hand the pro-climate change lobby showed that the current change in global temperatures is due to mankind, which incidently is predominately people of the working classes so it is their fault.

Badger Cull in England

Cull: Another One Bites the Dust

Just been reading all the hoo-haa surrounding  the government cull that started just a few days ago.

The cull itself is for the purposes of preventing the spread of T.B. in cattle and maybe a few other dreadful little nasties throughout the rest of the countryside.

The disease T.B. is an airborne one and cattle catch it simply by breathing in the bacteria. Once they have got it they suffer a slow and agonising death and it is only in the best interests of the beasties if the farmer puts a bullet through their heads! 

Culling the disease by killing its host carrier, claim farmers,

Unfair Trade Produce

Extortion

Thought I would do a bit of a good deed this morning so I went and chose to buy some Fair Trade coffee and tea from one of those ghastly prole-holes called ‘A Supermarket’

Got home and looked at the receipt just to make sure it all totted up nicely, you know how it is, 'look after the pennies and the pounds will take care of themselves.'

Anyway, when comparing  The Fair Trade good's prices with the normal prices for the equivalent product one noticed that the Fair Trade goods were approximately double what I