Sunday, 1 November 2015

Billion Dollar Business Proposition

Scum
Ware-Armitage here. You know recently I've been musing about how clever I am and therefore by default how err... disappointing others are. I'm not really one for labelling people and all that sort of thing but I know full well that if I did refer to people as stupid then I'd end up in trouble with the blogging legal team or all that sort of scum.

Anyway, because of my vast cleverness I recently came across a marvellous idea that is the going to make me one of those internet billionaires. Yes that's right an internet billionaire! No namby-pamby wishy-washy millionaire no Sir! Not that poor lot! With their solitary million that won't even buy a cardboard box in some parts of London these days I tell you. Not only that but the idea is so simple it is going to change the world!


The Right so "What is this absolutely marvellous idea that is going to change the world?" I hear you ask. Well I had this idea whilst I was sitting in the chair at my local hairdresser. You see the problem with hairdressers is that you have to deign the place with your presence in order to get some crappy happy person to chop your mop. This means a customer actually has to leave their estate to get to the salon, the indignity.

Wild Animals
This is compounded by salons usually locating themselves in town centres where there are relatively high concentrations of policemen on patrol. There are other issues associated with town centres too such as being accosted by those charity people, gypsies trying to sell 'lucky heather, whoever she is and also the unavoidable danger of being attacked by a wild animal such as a lion or tiger. However all these things fall under the same category of having to go in to a town centre. 

Also, once at your salon of choice one has to endure the inevitable conversations such as 'oh ducky haven't you got lovely hair,' or 'so where are you going on holiday this year then?' or even 'get your hand off my tits you filthy bleeder!' and so on and so forth.

To get around this problem one can arrange for one's coiffeur to visit one at one's estate but one has found three problems with this;

  1. They can't bring the same range of hairdressing tools with them that they have in the shop. This means that one  doesn't attain that same level of sharpness needed to maintain one's stature in one's local community.
  2. One has to lock all the doors in the manor and bolt the windows shut in case they try to steal anything.
  3. There is a propensity for these people to resort to violence when one refuse to pay anything more than what they would charge at the salon.

So as Nancy was snipping away at my rather splendid moustache it suddenly hit me how to not only circumvent these problems but also save money and make a fortune in the process! 

Yes that's right, I'm setting up the world's first, yes that's right the world's first internet haircutting service. Yes you heard right, an internet hair-cutting service. This idea is a winner I can tell you.
 

Teething Problems
Just think, no more having to leave your premises to go to a town centre, no more having to avoid a policeman on patrol, no more having to lock all the doors and windows in your mansion, no more 'so where are you going on holiday this year?' and that ever present fear of being attacked by wild animals is completely nullified.
 

All the customer has to do is register their name, address and bank account details on the web site supremely entitled 'Int Hair Net' (that was my idea, brilliant isn't it) Then, whenever they want a light trim or perm they log on, click which hair job they want, sit themselves next to their internet connection device and hey presto they get their light trim etc without having to leave the room.
 
Just think how convenient it is, you can get yourself a nice wash and blow dry whilst watching the BBC news, reading a blog, watching pornography or hacking into China's strategic ballistic weapons control centre in order to start a global thermonuclear war, the possibilities are endless.
 
 
Obviously, there are a few teething problems at the moment such as how to get the hairdresser's hands down a telephone line to cut someone's hair but hey let's be positive here! If there's a will there's a way. I don't know about you but I'm very excited by the opportunity. This is going to be a winner!