The Laughing Policeman

Licence to Kill?

According to the UK Border Agency this country has over 275,000 failed immigrants living in this country! This is due to government cutbacks and not enough staff. It's a disgrace!

Half of them the government just can't find and the rest can't differentiate between a Claret and a Chardonnay.

Well I've got just the solution to make these people want to go back on the next plane.

That's right, send in P.C. Simon Harwood. The mere thought that this copper is on the case would be enough to put the willies up anyone! Including the innocent.

This policeman with will soon have the lot of these people running for the nearest airport pronto and anyone else too for that matter. That's the only sort of language they understand. Seeing as most of em don't speak English anyway.

The Olympic Shames

Doing a Runner

Just heard about G4S the private company responsible for the Olympic Games security.

This company ballsed the whole thing up costing millions and are now being bailed out by the taxpayer. That's yours truly!!

Well nobody asked me if I wanted the damn thing. The blasted government just decided to have the games and went ahead irrespective of any of my views. It's a disgrace!

Not only that but the blasted relay runners, carrying the Olympic torches are selling the damn things on Ebay! Not only that but people are buying them for lots of money.

The whole things is turning into a giant money machine thus undermining the ethos of this event It's a disgrace!

I get enough activity in my life thrashing the servants (before they had gone on strike) shooting animals, throwing IPads at people and crapping out of my window in Marseilles thank you very much!

If these people think they can use my money to pay for their sporting activities in future they can run a bloody mile!

Every Breath You Take

Read these Lyrics! Go on Just read them!

Every breath you take

He'll be watching you

And every move you make
Every bond you break, every step you take
I'll be watching you

Every single day
And every word you say
Every game you play, every night you stay
I'll be watching you

Oh can't you see
You belong to me
How my poor heart aches
With every step you take

Every move you make
And every vow you break
Every smile you fake, every claim you stake
I'll be watching you

Madonna Tit

Showed a Tit and is a Tit

That blasted woman Madonna is at it again.

Not contented with boring the entire planet senseless with her one-trick pony career for the last thirty thousand years she’s now exposing her micro-bosom to everybody on tour! This woman is clearly on Crystal Meths.

It’s a disgrace! Doesn't she have a moral compass? She's a right tit! (which incidently was what she was exposing) This woman needs to be taught a lesson but you just can't reason with people like that.

Scientology, Tom Cruise., Ray Bans & Constipation

Not Suffering from Ray Ban Induced Constipation

Just worked out why people who wear Ray Ban sunglasses look so miserable all the time.

It’s because they’re all suffering from constipation. Why had I not seen it before?

It explains why they all only answer questions with one word: it's the pain!

Well if these fools spent less money on pointlessly ultra-expensive things to cover their miserable fatuous faces with than decent nosh and a few sachets of immodium they wouldn’t have such constipationally induced pains in their arses. Which is exactly what most of these people are!

As far as I'm concerned they can stick their blasted sunglasses up their huge horrible hairy malodorous backsides!