The Enemy Within

My God We Showed Em!

Just got a letter claiming that I'm a complete coward and am the sort that wouldn't fight for ones' country

How dare they impugn my character! I’ll have you know that during the war one was in constant battle with the enemy. All the time.

It was relentless! The toll was high but it was all very necessary to avoid the country being swamped by the enemy.

Yes One flew hundreds of sorties at great risk to Ones’ personal safety, dropping hundreds of thousands of tons of bombs on the working classes.

At one point we actually ran out of bombs and had to telephone the Luftwaffe to fly over London and drop a few on our behalf as we had ran out!

My God we showed em.

One is a Tolerant Fellow

Not necessarily putrid scum

One prides one's self in being without prejudice and judgement upon those around one.

One understands that others simply do not have the wherewithall to know that others are not blessed with this quality and that they can be jealous of one's blessings and talents.

So their jealousies and negative feelings, no doubt acquired from childhood are merely the projection of their inner turmoils onto one.

So one can rest easy and in the knowledge that these people will one day conquer their inner troubles.

One must reiterate here that one is not a bigot. One is tolerant to all forms of unwashed, ignorant, lower-class, proletarian, scum no matter how stupid or psychologically doollaly they are languishing in their own self-hatred and miserable putrifying ingratiation.

Thank you for reading

How to Disarm a Suicide Bomber?

Off you go to the Police Station

This is an easy one. Simply approach the guilty bleeder suspect and politely ask the chappie what's going on? 

That always trips em up because your average suicide bomber would never expect such a polite enquiry as they are usually charged up ready to detonate and an enquiry of this gracious magnitude will completely overwhelm the swine.

Once he confesses simply ask the johnny to take the bomb off and pop down to the nearest police station to apologise and then turn himself in.

There's no point getting angry with the chap, he can't help it if he's been indoctrinated with some notion of suicidal glory. Rubbish!

Of course if the man fails to respond to the above then do what we did to the fuzzi-wuzzies in Aden; give em a poke with the old cold steel! That'll sort him out.

That lot don't like it up em ya know!

Morning Constitutional

Demented or on Drugs

Was on my morning constitutional today when I happened upon an individual blurting out some rubbish about a ’champagne supernova’ at the top of his ghastly voice accompanied by a guitar.

With lyrics like that this reprobate was obviously on drugs or just demented.  

Then he had the impudence to ask for some of MY money. I told the chappie that I would give him £500 if he would recite any Elgar which he clearly wouldn't have been able to and in any case I just said it to irritate him.


On the plus side at least he was tyring to earn some money rather than stealing it so I persuaded a passer-by to make a donation. 

J.F.K. Conspiracy Theory

Out of His Head

One has devised a water-tight tip-top theory regarding the Kennedy Assassination. It's very controversial but the evidence backs up everything I say so prepare yourself!

J.F.K. was assassinated by a chap called 'Lee Harvey Oswald.!! The man was hid in a book suppository waited for J.F.K. to scoot past in his motor, fired off a few rounds and then 'bob's your uncle' out blew J.F.K's brains and the man's clogs were popped.