Ghost in the House!

Drank my G&T!!

One doesn't believe in ghoulies and ghosties and long-legged beasties and things that go 'bump' in the night normally but last night one had an encounter of the supernatural variety!

One had just returned from Lady Farquhar-Farquharson's Alcohol appreciation evening near Chalfont-St-Peter. As one walked though the front door one started to feel faint and a little not so tickety-boo.

Trying to calm one's self, one sat down infront of the fireplace with a splendid Gin given as a tax dodge from Uncle 'Whoopsie' Ware-Armitage last Christmas. Suddenly one felt overcome by some strange sopporific force.

Five hours later, in the early hours, one awoke to find that the Gin had completely gone leaving only the glass in my hand. Not only that but I suspect the same phantom was responsible for the load of ectoplasm all down the front of my shirt!

Going Down

Look at this damn fool! This is the man responsible for the cinema shootings in a town called Aurora in The United States.

The man coincided his killing spree with the premier of the new Batman film. Apparently Holmes thinks he is some kind of Batman nemesis character or some crap like that.

What on earth is that all about then? Didn't anybody ever tell this man that Batman is a fictional character from the Marvel Comic book series? Don't people know the difference between real life and fantasy? It's a disgrace!!

This is the real world not some fantasy comic book with fictional villans cavorting around committing daring acts of criminal derring-do. This man is obviously a joker.

The Laughing Policeman

Licence to Kill?

According to the UK Border Agency this country has over 275,000 failed immigrants living in this country! This is due to government cutbacks and not enough staff. It's a disgrace!

Half of them the government just can't find and the rest can't differentiate between a Claret and a Chardonnay.

Well I've got just the solution to make these people want to go back on the next plane.

That's right, send in P.C. Simon Harwood. The mere thought that this copper is on the case would be enough to put the willies up anyone! Including the innocent.

This policeman with will soon have the lot of these people running for the nearest airport pronto and anyone else too for that matter. That's the only sort of language they understand. Seeing as most of em don't speak English anyway.

The Olympic Shames

Doing a Runner

Just heard about G4S the private company responsible for the Olympic Games security.

This company ballsed the whole thing up costing millions and are now being bailed out by the taxpayer. That's yours truly!!

Well nobody asked me if I wanted the damn thing. The blasted government just decided to have the games and went ahead irrespective of any of my views. It's a disgrace!

Not only that but the blasted relay runners, carrying the Olympic torches are selling the damn things on Ebay! Not only that but people are buying them for lots of money.

The whole things is turning into a giant money machine thus undermining the ethos of this event It's a disgrace!

I get enough activity in my life thrashing the servants (before they had gone on strike) shooting animals, throwing IPads at people and crapping out of my window in Marseilles thank you very much!

If these people think they can use my money to pay for their sporting activities in future they can run a bloody mile!

Every Breath You Take

Read these Lyrics! Go on Just read them!

Every breath you take

He'll be watching you

And every move you make
Every bond you break, every step you take
I'll be watching you

Every single day
And every word you say
Every game you play, every night you stay
I'll be watching you

Oh can't you see
You belong to me
How my poor heart aches
With every step you take

Every move you make
And every vow you break
Every smile you fake, every claim you stake
I'll be watching you