How to Win Friends and Influence People

Lose Friends and Pass Effluence on People

Can't think of a more pointless book to read! Can't the author see that he has completely missed the point of life?

It's all about money! Money! Where in the book was the bit about Money? It's all very well him telling everyone what to do to be very popular AND influence them but what about if you don't want any friends. Well I don't have friends so what has he got to say about that?

No Sir By Jimeny I have servants (before they went on strike) I've been winning servants for years without having to be nice to them. Yes that's right I thrash the living crap out of em don'cha know!

And you can forget the influence too. I use effluence! Several buckets of that and the promise of an endless supply and the blighters will soon be doing anything you tell em to do, that's what makes the world go round!

Ye Shiwen; Olympic Dope.

Pumped Full?

Just realised what the solution is to all the blasted hoo-haa about Olympic athletes stuffing themselves with performance enhancing drugs.

 It's perfectly simple, just have a seperate Olympic games for everyone who takes them It'll be great!

Can you imagine how fast those stinkers will run once they've pumped themselves full with steroids? They'll shift like bloody rockets.

And the swimmers will go faster than speedboats!! Can you imagine that?

 I mean who cares what drugs they've taken? After all the first ex-wife pumped herself with tranquillisers for seven years and nobody complained about that.

Piers mOrgan in an Affair?

No Sex, Please I'm Piers mOrgan.

Piers mOrgan will never ever be the sort of man who goes around sleeping with other women.

No Sir by Jimeny he will not. Is this because of his deep moral values?

Is it his dedication to his wife?

Could it be his nature to be of good character and his desire to be a man of integrity?

F##KS NEWS...

Liberal Thinking

Just watched an American Telly Channel programme called Fucks News. 

Who do these bounders think they are? One inferred nothing but bias, ignorance, stupidity, lopsided stories, skewed interpretations of events and numerous fools talking about themselves.

I'm sorry but if these people are trying to be worse than me then they've got another thing coming! I'm not standing for it! My narrow minded opinions are worse than anybody elses on the entire planet! 

If they think they can be worse than me then bring them here! I'll give em short shrift don cha know!

I can't stand anybody and I don't care who knows! In fact I wouldn't want anybody to vote for me in an election. Can't stand the thought of being liked!

Next thing you know the Grande Levee come up to you asking for your autograph on toilet paper. I tell em to stick it up their arses!!

John Constable 'The Hay Wain'

Take a look at this 19th Century painting by P.C. John Constable.

After leaving the police force he took up painting and was considered to be relatively experimental because he enjoyed painting landscapes which were not critically acclaimed by the art world in England at that time.

However, in France he won awards for his work inspiring a new generation of painters like Delacroix.