Return the Elgin Marbles Say I!

George Clooney

Just been reading about Camal Clooney, wife of multi-millionaireHollywood actor George Clooney, sticking her oar in about the subject of the Elgin Marbles. Well what has it got to do with her I ask you? She gets married to a Hollywood superstar, who is jealous of my looks and then launches this campaign to try and freeze me out of the limelight. It's a disgrace!

Err... anyway for those who are not well versed in this matter the Elgin Marbles are a collection of Classical Greek marble sculptures, inscriptions and architectural pieces, hand crafted by Davros Phidias and his assistants a million years ago that were originally part of the temple of the Parthenon and other buildings of the Acrapalot.

That's the basics but from 1801 to 1812 the Elgin Marbles (named after Lord Elgin who separated them) and the Parthenon were separated with the marbles being shoved in the British Museum to show what you can get away with if you have a bigger army and navy than the other chaps.

Old Kent Road

Anyway, since that date people, and now Anal Clooney, have wanted the marbles and the Parthenon reunited so you don't have to travel thousands of miles in order to see all of them as they are very far apart.

And do you know something? I agree! Ship it all to the original location that's what I say! Reunite them! These worldly treasures can't be bundled around the world willy-nilly without due process and without permission from their owners! This is the twenty-first century not some irresponsible French satirical magazine! We need to set an example for the rest of the world to follow and it's time to bite the bullet and reunite the marbles with the Parthenon in their original location. 

Lord Elgin

That's right, bring the Parthenon back to London! Bring it back and stick the marbles back on to it with blu-tak, that's what I say! Bring em back! I mean isn't it enough that Greece has taken our recipe for Feta Cheese and Nana Mouskouri? Now they want our Parthenon too! Well they can't have it! Bring the Parthenon back to the Old Kent Road next to Geraldine's Hair Salon where it used to serve the best moussaka this side of the Reform Club. They Greeks should be ashamed of themselves keeping the Parthenon for as long as they have. I mean they couldn't even rebuild it properly when they shoved it on top of that hill. Why didn't they put it in a proper museum? Arse! That's what I say, Arse!!

Why if anyone thinks that for one second that these priceless works of classical art should be transported to a foreign country they must have lost their marbles!