How to Prevent ILLEGAL Immigration.

Plague

Right then! One is fed up with the subject of illegal immigration! It's all been blown out of proportion and hardly anybody knows what to do about it and any time someone proffers a solution then some arse comes up with a counter-argument resulting in nothing happening! It's a disgrace!



Illegal immigration, as opposed to legal immigration can bring all sorts of problems to a nation. I mean for example all those rats that illegally entered the country a few years ago bringing the bubonic plague to the country killing one third of the population of Europe. If those rats had had proper identification then that sort of thing wouldn't have happened.

Governments have tried all sorts of thingys to stop this and all of them have failed, I mean what do you expect from a government? You see governments always fail because they think of nothing else except money and accounts etc. They never think to look at the psyche of you average illegal immigrant. What these fellows want is to ultimately improve their lives because they are unable to do so in their own places of origin. Ultimately they all want a better future for themselves and their families but Governments don't have a blithering clue about that. So let's have a quick shufti at what governments have done to try to stem this matter in recent years;

Lock em all up? Noooooo! That never works because conditions in the detention centres are usually tenfold better than where these poor people have come from anyway. 

Send em back? Nooooo! That never works because they just start all over again. They don't get the message that they have somehow violated the law of their destination. This is what happens when you can't speak English.

Paid to Go Back

Fine them? Nooooo! Giving them a fine won't work either because most of the perishers don't have any money in the first place which is precisely the reason they are trying to enter the country.

Pay them to go back? Nooooo! That never works either because they just come back for more! A ridiculous idea! Rubbish!

Invest in the countries from whence they came? Nooooo! That never works either because corruption is so rife that local politicos just pocket the investment money Codswallop!

'So Ware-Armitage' I hear you say, 'what is the answer you're-so-clever?' Well I'll tell you the answer. It's simple! In fact it's such a super simple idea that most people will be astounded by it. 

Here's what to do. First thing is to sit your illegal immigrant down for a spot of lunch, somewhere nice and just explain to him that he's welcome to stay as long as he wishes, this will perk the fellow up and make him feel rather jolly. 

Once he's feeling jolly you then invite him to bring his family, friends dogs etc. This will get him feeling secure as well as jolly and will put him at ease, marvellous.

Then once you can see the jolliness flowing through him you sock it to him as hard as you can. You simply tell him that although he is very welcome as an illegal immigrant the place is, regrettably, full of foreigners.

He'll be so disgusted, as you would be, that he'll be out of there and on the next flight out of Gatwick like a shot! Simple. You see there are advantages to the country going to the dogs after all. I do wish people would ask me about these things.