Socialist Potholes

Typical Socialist Pothole

Just been reading about potholes! Yes that's right pot holes. Apparently the UK government has allocated £168 million of MY MONEY to 148 local councils (over 60% of which are socialist) across the country to fix the blasted things. It's a disgrace!

But what is a pothole anyway? Well it's a large hole in a road that forms when predominantly socialist councils behave like absolute sha'ars and neglect to do things properly. Typically surface water undermines the road surface substrata weakening it's structural integrity, (this is, incidentally the same principle that socialists use to take over councils, metropolitan areas and nations. 


The tarmac surface cracks due to being undermined while traffic exacerbates the cracks as its weight loosens the surrounding tarmac. Socialist potholes form frequently during the winter months (think of the October Revolution!) when water gets into cracks in the road, forms into ice, which expands, cracking the tarmac futher and melts due to traffic pressure and before you know it your country has been taken over. 


Repair
According to the 'Materials and Procedures for Repair of Potholes in Asphalt-Surfaced Pavements—Manual of Practice' there are several repair techniques: throw-and-roll, semi-permanent, spray injection, and edge seal, ranging from fast temporary repairs during mid-winter  to the semi-permanent long term placement of patch materials lasting a year.

Materials
Asphaltic patch materials consist of binder and aggregate compounds that come in two broad categories, hot mix and cold mix. Cold mix compounds are used generally for winter and fast repair jobs whilst the hot mix compound is for the long installation, semi-permanent solutions. Used correctly this combination of hot/cold mixes and winter/summer fixes provide marvellous road surface solutions.

Balls
That's what I say, balls to the lot of it! They are all overlooking the fact that the problem is the tarmac in the first place. It's obviously not up to the job, like anything with a socialist origin, if it keeps crumbling at the first sign of winter, it's a disgrace!!

This is exactly how Soviet Russia started so not wanting that here I got off my fat bloated backside and worked, yes worked (ever seen that word in a socialist dictionary?) to find an alternative to current road surface compounds and by Jimeny I finally found the perfect material to cover the world's roads.

It's a material that is strong, robust, rock solid, flexible enough to hold it's shape come rain and shine, summer and winter pedestrians and road kill, is really cheap, absorbs traffic sound and is virtually indestructible. 'So what is this wonder-material Sir Percy?' I hear you ask. 'Well young fellow' I retort, 'it is this... Weetabix.'

Soviet Russia

Yes that's right weetabix. That all round nourishing breakfast meal for when you've ran out of champagne and kippers. I'd just had some weetabix a few months back in the afternoon for breakfast and afterwards the servant put the bowl in the dishwasher. The blithering idiot didn't tell me that he'd neglected to turn the dishwasher on before he was shot for pilfering and I didn't realise its contents were unclean when the machine was emptied.

Two hours later I'd got back to the pantry  and picked up the bowl with which I had eaten the weetabix from which was pebble-dashed with dried weetabik. Now believe you me that stuff wouldn't budge for love nor money. I hit it, bashed it, scraped it, shot it and bombed it and it remained affixed to the bowl throughout! I'm telling you this material is incredible!

After trials of six months using a three mile stretch of road I can tell you that the Ware-Armitage Patent Weetabix road surfacing compound wasn't in the least bit worn. This is going to be a real winner I can tell you. 

Incidentally a person can also using this material to construct a bullet-proof wall somewhere remote on an estate for target practice. Not that anybody would use it as a backdrop to shoot socialists against you understand. That isn't legal any more, even with a fair trial...