I Did it My Way

Frank Sinatra

You know I've been ruminating recently about how amazing I am and how incredible my life is. I started with nothing don cha know and have made to where I am today with a bit of luck, some very good investing, hard work, skill and judgement.

If I can do it then anybody can! People need to get up orff their arses and just go for it. There is nothing stopping anyone these days and there is no point whining about it. Nobody just becomes successful by sitting on their huge, horrible, hairy, malodorous backside and expecting everything to just fall in to their lap! No Sir by Jimeny it simply doesn't work that way!

I see people being poor, like I once was, getting themselves locked up for trying to steal food for their children or working silly-billy hours because they haven't got the sense to get a better paid job or start their own munitions factory. They loaf around scrounging orff the state because they haven't got it in em to ask for a pay rise or get an additional job. It's a disgrace!

Prostitution

Mercifully, I am a very generous individual so I'm going to share my story on how I made it to the tip top of the ladder. As I said before if I can do it then anybody can do it. Having nothing means it's always good to start small and then slowly slowly invest a little here and a little there. Never put all your eggs in one basket and always make sure you have a thoroughly researched exit plan. Also, knowing when to quit helps too.

As I said I had absolutely nothing when I started so I went and asked Daddy Ware-Armitage for three million pounds. He actually gave me four million pounds as that was what he'd given to brother William Ware-Armitage two days before. The interest rate on this proved negligible after Daddy Ware-Armitage was shot in the back at the ideal home exhibition way back when, very sad. I did have to pay this back after a period of time but once the inheritance came through I just covered it with that.

Global War: Not my doing, I was elsewhere, far away.

I then purchased a small munitions factory in which I got people to invest heavily in in 1912 which purely by chance and with absolutely nothing to do with me, Archduke Franz Ferdinand was shot in the back starting a global war, very sad. After that another war started a few years later and I really did clean up with those two. 

Of course things do occasionally go wrong like with my investments in Cuba on a beach resort called the Bay of Pigs, bit of an unusual name that one but nevertheless it all went a bit sour and collapsed completely when one of the investors got shot in the back whilst driving along in a motorcade, very sad.

So that's how you do it. Simple really, I don't know what all the fuss is about and I'm fed up with people pretending that they are somehow impoverished. I tell them my story and you should see the look of incredulity on their faces. They really can't believe just how clever I am, very sad. 

Then again their is always prostitution and what with the recession the price of that is coming down too. Bloody marvellous.