Scientology, Tom Cruise., Ray Bans & Constipation

Not Suffering from Ray Ban Induced Constipation

Just worked out why people who wear Ray Ban sunglasses look so miserable all the time.

It’s because they’re all suffering from constipation. Why had I not seen it before?

It explains why they all only answer questions with one word: it's the pain!

Well if these fools spent less money on pointlessly ultra-expensive things to cover their miserable fatuous faces with than decent nosh and a few sachets of immodium they wouldn’t have such constipationally induced pains in their arses. Which is exactly what most of these people are!

As far as I'm concerned they can stick their blasted sunglasses up their huge horrible hairy malodorous backsides!

Miss Moneypenny & Women in Business

Glass Ceiling? Never Seen One!!

Just been reading about someone called Miss Moneypenny who wrote a book about women in business.

Apparently, she claims that there is a glass ceiling preventing women from advancing in the business world.

Poppycock! Glass ceiling? Glass ceiling?  What on earth is she blabbering on about? Have you ever seen one? I know I haven't.

This is exactly the sort of reason I never let any women get too high up in my company. 

As you were.

Australia's Great White Sharks!

No Complaints

Heard on the wireless about those chappies in Australia having a spot of bother with the local marine life

Apparently earlier this week a surfer jonnie was bitten in half by a Great White Shark. Died instantaneously. 

Anyway some of the chaps in Australia now want to go round killing all the sharks so nobody else gets scoffed. Well what kind of an attitude is that? It's not just our planet to with what we wish willy-nilly. No Sir! A shark is a shark, it eats people. That is just what they do. You can't kill the blighters because of that. 

I say leave em alone, they've been on this earth longer than us. Shame on those who want to kill em all just so they can lounge around on the blasted beach bronzing themselves.

People like that make me sick! So intolerant! I say we throw em to the sharks! That's the only sort of language that that lot understand!

Laos; Hilary Clinton Flies In.

Clearing her Bombs

Been reading about Hilary Clinton visiting south east Asia.

Apparently the Yankee fellows dropped so many bombs on the gooks in that place it is officially  the most bombed place in the world per capita.

Also not all the ordinance detonated either! Every year dozens of the locals get blown to smithereens by unexploded bombs and they are not too chipper about it. They want Uncle Sam to foot the bill for the clearing up operation as its horrendous and will take years but i’ve got a faster, cheaper solution. Here it is

1) Get a load of bombers.
2) Load em all up with hundreds of thousands of tons of high explosive bombs
3) Fly the bombers over the affected areas
4) Drop the bombs
5) Get the blazes out of there pronto

If that doesn’t stop the locals getting blown to pieces by unexploded ordinance nothing will.

As you were.

Rebekah Brooks Not in Back Door Sex Scandal

Walks Up Hills Only

Just writing to give my support to Rebekah Brooks, disgraced former editor of The Sun and currently awaiting trial for attempting to pervert the course of justice in England.

There are many rumours about this attractive woman one of which concerns the perverse activity of bum sex. 

I mean it just can't be true that this English rose spends her free time taking it in the back door! She is far too innocent looking for her to be a turf-hurdler.

This woman was one of the watchers who kept her eye on those in power all these years so One can't begin to believe she into Penalty Shoot-outs.