Intercontinental Ballistic Incontinence

Cure for Incontinence

As a person gets old that person starts losing full control of their bodily functions, for example copious quantities of wind being audibly released into atmospheres at social functions, dinner parties, evening balls, culinary soirees, polite company and all that sort of thing.

Of course great gargling gas emissions are just the tip of the ice-berg don cha know! Other people actually defecate in their own clothes! This actually happened to Great Uncle Whoopsie Ware-Armitage at The Palace circa 1927 when an accidental blast tore a whole right through his undergarments and trousers!

Well it need not happen ever again! No Sir by Jimeny it need not! For one has devised a super tip-top way to be rid of this blight upon human dignity once and for all.

That's right a cure ballistic incontinence. Not only that but the cure is so easy it'll make one an overnight millionaire!

It's simple, all one has to do is the following;

1) Obtain a long list of sufferers.

2) Confiscate all their trousers and underpants.

3) Pass a law forbidding these people from wearing below the navel garments. 

Then the next time they lose control of their solid waste expulsion musculature it all falls onto the floor or gets blasted onto the nearest wall of the post office leaving them standing there without beshitten undergarments.