Lance Armstrong: First Cyclist on the Moon

Apparent Evidence of Armstrong's Moon Landing

Writing to give my ha’penny’s worth about that tour-de-France steroid cheat Lance Armstrong and cycling obsessive.

He first came to prominence in the late 1960’s after being the first man to ride a bicycle on the moon.

After that his life took a turn for the worst as nobody believed he had ever even been in an aeroplane let alone outer space.

He proceeded to claim that he rode his bicycle around the world in eighty days and again nobody believed this.

In order to prove his credentials he contacted Freddie Mercury whereupon, according to him, produced a song with Freddie entitled ’I want to ride my bicycle.’ Regrettably nobody believed this either.

He then advised Norman Tebbit’s Dad to go and look for work on his bike in the early 1980’s. While this was good advice Tebbit Snr had been dead for many a year.

Later in that decade Armstrong claims to have been instrumental in teaching Michael Jackson how to walk on the moon. Alas Jackson refuted any claims from Armstrong regarding this matter stating categorically that he was playing with some children at that time.

Lacking somewhat in credibility Armstrong, pining for the days of gravitational shock waves, G-forces and floating weightless on his Raleigh Roadster decided to take control of his life. Yes he embarked on a course of performance enhancing drugs. The highs from these drugs were so extensive that he was over the moon at least three times a week.

He then cycled around France in the great tour six times winning each time. It was this credibility that finally gave him the self-worth he had been hankering for since his alleged moon landing.

Alas the performance enhancing drugs were his undoing as they were forbidden under normal gravitational conditions and his friend ’Buzz’ Aldrin, grassed him up to The Police whom Armstrong claims stole the lyrics to his song entitled ’Walking on the moon.’ This was strongly denied by Sting who’s songs were a load of old codswallop anyway.

Eventually the International Cycling Federation promptly took Armstrong’s titles away from him citing his stupidity as the main reason and his drug use.

Armstrong is currently at home near a small town called Charlton Heston writing his autobiography entitled ’On Yer Bike!’