How do Deal with the Paparazzi.

A Cat

The Paparazzi! Yes that's right the Paparazzi. These individuals make me want to throw up all over the place; floor, ceiling, walls, the cat etc, you name it and I'll throw up all over it.

The Paparazzi have been making a fortune unscrupulously snapping shots of wealthy, famous and glamorous people such as myself and Princess Diana for years by selling their photos to newspapers and magazines. 


These people hope to make a quick buck by snapping a lucky shot of us when we least expect it and make billions of pounds in the process. They use enormous telephoto lenses, hide behind cars, prowl private property at night and fish around through the dustbins in the hope of snapping that lucky shot bringing them cash beyond most poor people's imaginations. They have no scruples whatsoever and willingly trample on people's rights and wouldn't think twice about putting people's lives at risk. There's no privacy for me at all, it's a disgrace!  

Well anyway it's about time something was done and I've just had this tip top marvellous idea to deal with em. Yes this one's a winner.

First we lure the paparazzi out in to the open by starting a sort of 'Occupy' protest or flashmob outside the offices of some newspapers demanding privacy or some crap like that. If that fails we simply put a call through to them that a woman in the crowd is going to take her top off. That'll get the paparazzi down in a flash.

Second we then call the police and tell them that there is going to be a riot. If they fail to come we just go to plan B and tell them that a woman in the crowd is going to take her top off. That'll get the rozzers down in a flash.

The third phase of the plan is for all protesters to quietly slip away to a safe distance, with the last one activating an audio device planted amongst the paparazzi which shouts the following phrase at full volume 'Oi you police are plebs!' (the rozzers hate that don cha know)

Then we all stand by as the police pile into the paparazzi mercilessly knocking the crap out of all of them. That'll teach the bleeders! Stay tuned for further details on this one; dates and location etc.

I don't know about you but I'm taking my camera. Hope to get a few good photos of the mash up and flog em to 'Hello' magazine, I'm going to make a fortune.