How to Disarm a Suicide Bomber?

Off you go to the Police Station

This is an easy one. Simply approach the guilty bleeder suspect and politely ask the chappie what's going on? 

That always trips em up because your average suicide bomber would never expect such a polite enquiry as they are usually charged up ready to detonate and an enquiry of this gracious magnitude will completely overwhelm the swine.

Once he confesses simply ask the johnny to take the bomb off and pop down to the nearest police station to apologise and then turn himself in.

There's no point getting angry with the chap, he can't help it if he's been indoctrinated with some notion of suicidal glory. Rubbish!

Of course if the man fails to respond to the above then do what we did to the fuzzi-wuzzies in Aden; give em a poke with the old cold steel! That'll sort him out.

That lot don't like it up em ya know!

Morning Constitutional

Demented or on Drugs

Was on my morning constitutional today when I happened upon an individual blurting out some rubbish about a ’champagne supernova’ at the top of his ghastly voice accompanied by a guitar.

With lyrics like that this reprobate was obviously on drugs or just demented.  

Then he had the impudence to ask for some of MY money. I told the chappie that I would give him £500 if he would recite any Elgar which he clearly wouldn't have been able to and in any case I just said it to irritate him.


On the plus side at least he was tyring to earn some money rather than stealing it so I persuaded a passer-by to make a donation. 

J.F.K. Conspiracy Theory

Out of His Head

One has devised a water-tight tip-top theory regarding the Kennedy Assassination. It's very controversial but the evidence backs up everything I say so prepare yourself!

J.F.K. was assassinated by a chap called 'Lee Harvey Oswald.!! The man was hid in a book suppository waited for J.F.K. to scoot past in his motor, fired off a few rounds and then 'bob's your uncle' out blew J.F.K's brains and the man's clogs were popped.

Graffiti

This'll keep the walls clean!

One has noticed a general decline in society over the last few years don't cha know.

One is talking about graffiti! What does any of it say? What the devil does it mean?! As far as one is concerned it is a hideous monstrosity that needs to be dealt with. You can't just go round defacing public walls willy-nilly!

Escher!

Look at this picture. Just look at it! It took me five Gin & Tonics to get my head round this thing so I can't begin to imagine how many he'd had just to draw it!

I'd bet my last shilling that the swine who drew this was a socialist! This is exactly the sort of rubbish a socialist would come up with.