Natural Disaster

Dreadful Heat

It's sweltering here! Can hardly keep my G&T cold long enough to drink the blasted thing.  Have to keep throwing it down my throat ASAP.

Of coursre very hot prolonged summers have resulted in 100's dying through high temperatures and thirst last year in Southern France and it looks as though this will be repeated this year too!

So here is what must be done to avoid a repetition of last year. 

• Equip lorries to carry tons of water to strategic locations.

• Set up a network of hose-pipes that thread their way between all the choice grape vines.
•  
• Reintroduce slavery so each grape-vine can be shaded from the extreme temperatures of the midday sun otherwise even more vines will die.

• Divert water from small towns and cities into choice wine producing regions.

If it wasn't for that fascio-trotskyite bureaucratic regime in the EU all this would have been dealt with last year!

My New Twitter Account

Is There a Doctor in the House?

One was advised to open to Twitter account by one of those marketing johnnies to promote One's blog.

Thought the bounder was trying to tell me I was a twit but he managed to explain what Twitter was all about during the thrashing I was metering out to him.

Anyway, the account was open ten minutes when the first follower appeared by the name of 'Bernadine Hallums from Miami. Then I saw her profile description!!

www.TIGHT%SS-F%CKEDHARD.INFO (full title censored)

Just what in God's name is this blasted internet for? I thought it was invented to permit loud-mouthed, bolshy, self-opinionated, narrow-minded bleeders like me to talk crap all day and get paid for it. And there's another thing, I've only raised 6 pence since I started doing this sort of thing. I'd make more prostituting the servants (if they weren't still on strike)


The whole thing is a complete shower!!


Anyway got to dash as Bernadine is on the line at the moment and I can't keep her waiting as the call seems ridiculouly expensive for some reason.

Socialist Margarine Conspiracy

Blob of Margarine Under Slice of Toast

Was in the Borough Council offices this morning when I saw a blob of margarine on the floor! Disgraceful! 

I pay these people to keep public buildings free of this sort of lunacy!

I approached the information kiosk and told the jumped up little Marxist there all about it! His response? 'ooh I'll use that for my toast.’

Transgender?!!

Peculiar Voice

My God what is the world coming to!? It transpires that there is a pervert in my condominium?! 

I thought there was something wrong with her the moment I met her at a function the other evening whilst I was attempting to get her up to my room.

Her voice was a bit strange, she was a little tall and she had B.O. Turns out she was a HE!

My God man what is going on?! He started boasting about his gender reassignment. The only reassignment I could think of was concerning his face!!

Reassignment indeed! In my day there was only one to do with his kind! Cut off his wedding tackle! That's the only language his/her/their sort understand!

Rupert Murdoch in Sordid Sex Shame Shenanigans Scandal

That Woman Murdoch Has Frequent Sex With

One of my sources has just told me that Rupert Murdoch is secretly having sex on a regular basis with a woman in his private apartment.

The woman is said to be young enough to be his grand daughter. It's a disgrace!!!

One of Murdoch’s earlier wives has refused to comment on the matter saying that after their marriage was over it really was none of her business whom Rupert chose to have sexual intercourse with.