F##KS NEWS...

Liberal Thinking

Just watched an American Telly Channel programme called Fucks News. 

Who do these bounders think they are? One inferred nothing but bias, ignorance, stupidity, lopsided stories, skewed interpretations of events and numerous fools talking about themselves.

I'm sorry but if these people are trying to be worse than me then they've got another thing coming! I'm not standing for it! My narrow minded opinions are worse than anybody elses on the entire planet! 

If they think they can be worse than me then bring them here! I'll give em short shrift don cha know!

I can't stand anybody and I don't care who knows! In fact I wouldn't want anybody to vote for me in an election. Can't stand the thought of being liked!

Next thing you know the Grande Levee come up to you asking for your autograph on toilet paper. I tell em to stick it up their arses!!

John Constable 'The Hay Wain'

Take a look at this 19th Century painting by P.C. John Constable.

After leaving the police force he took up painting and was considered to be relatively experimental because he enjoyed painting landscapes which were not critically acclaimed by the art world in England at that time.

However, in France he won awards for his work inspiring a new generation of painters like Delacroix.

Ghost in the House!

Drank my G&T!!

One doesn't believe in ghoulies and ghosties and long-legged beasties and things that go 'bump' in the night normally but last night one had an encounter of the supernatural variety!

One had just returned from Lady Farquhar-Farquharson's Alcohol appreciation evening near Chalfont-St-Peter. As one walked though the front door one started to feel faint and a little not so tickety-boo.

Trying to calm one's self, one sat down infront of the fireplace with a splendid Gin given as a tax dodge from Uncle 'Whoopsie' Ware-Armitage last Christmas. Suddenly one felt overcome by some strange sopporific force.

Five hours later, in the early hours, one awoke to find that the Gin had completely gone leaving only the glass in my hand. Not only that but I suspect the same phantom was responsible for the load of ectoplasm all down the front of my shirt!

Going Down

Look at this damn fool! This is the man responsible for the cinema shootings in a town called Aurora in The United States.

The man coincided his killing spree with the premier of the new Batman film. Apparently Holmes thinks he is some kind of Batman nemesis character or some crap like that.

What on earth is that all about then? Didn't anybody ever tell this man that Batman is a fictional character from the Marvel Comic book series? Don't people know the difference between real life and fantasy? It's a disgrace!!

This is the real world not some fantasy comic book with fictional villans cavorting around committing daring acts of criminal derring-do. This man is obviously a joker.

The Laughing Policeman

Licence to Kill?

According to the UK Border Agency this country has over 275,000 failed immigrants living in this country! This is due to government cutbacks and not enough staff. It's a disgrace!

Half of them the government just can't find and the rest can't differentiate between a Claret and a Chardonnay.

Well I've got just the solution to make these people want to go back on the next plane.

That's right, send in P.C. Simon Harwood. The mere thought that this copper is on the case would be enough to put the willies up anyone! Including the innocent.

This policeman with will soon have the lot of these people running for the nearest airport pronto and anyone else too for that matter. That's the only sort of language they understand. Seeing as most of em don't speak English anyway.