A Hand Up!

Welcome to England

Recently not been feeling tickety-boo so one went to the Docs for a check up and all that sort of thing. 

Anyway, the fellow appeared to have a speech impediment and when I pointed this out to him he told me that he was foreign! That's what you get with today's Nation Health Service don cha know. 

This jonny foreigner listened to the old ticker and that was fine, blood pressure was a little on the high side but nothing too much to worry about so one was pleased as punch with all that. The foreign Doctor then said he wanted to get an indication of me prostrate. One thought this was a little odd as what difference would it be to give me a check up if I was lying on the floor?

Nevertheless one got on the floor face down and waited. There was complete silence from the foreign Doctor. I asked the fellow what he was waiting for to which he replied 'You will need to take your clothes off Mr Ware-Armirage. 

'Sir Percy Ware-Armitage' not 'Mister,'  This fellow was starting to annoy me. What does he think I am some kind of prole? This was all very peculiar. One couldn't actually see why this foreign Doctor wanted me on the floor prostrate with my clothes off. But one is a tolerant sort of fellow so I undressed and got back on the floor face down. 

The Doc then asked my why I was on the floor. I mean the man is a complete fool you can't prostrate yourself anywhere else. The definition is 'To lie on the floor' I told the bleeder this and he got all funny with me. He then ordered me to get on the bed face down. By this time he was really beginning get my gander up! So one got up off the blasted floor, stark naked and got on the examination bed! 

And then you will never guess what this pervert did? He started to shove his hand up my arse! Of all the indignity! It's a disgrace! I knew there was something wrong with the blighter as soon as I saw him. Who the hell do these people think they are? I mean it's not as though he was my old geography teacher back in Eaton! Naturally I was out of that place like a shot and I won't be going back there again.

The whole episode is a disgrace! One reported it to the police and they just laughed at me! The shame! Terrible. The humiliation of it all. Well I am never going to let this happen again no Sir by Jimeny I will not! I can tell you now that if anyone is going to try to stick a hand up my arse then it is going to belong to an Englishman.