Solution to one of Middle East Matters

250 yards south of Ashford Bypass

Right then, there's an ongoing conflict in The Levant don cha know between Israelites and Palestinians  that doesn't appear to have any light at the end of its tunnel. Apparently this conflict has been going on for the last twenty billion years and with the exception of the bloodthirsty media, people want it brought to an end. 

The participants are all very angry, nobody seems to be listening to each other and as usual everything has gone arse over tit so weapons have recently been used by both sides to try to resolve the matter that way. Well this is a an utter sha'ar because both sides stopped buying equipment from Ware-Armitage Munitions Inc so they might aswell stop fighting immediately. Oh yes and also because, as usual, civilians have been caught up in this entire debacle. If the politicos want to fight it all out then that's their business but they should know better than to involve Le Grande Levee.

So to this end I sat in the bath to try to work out a way to end all the hoo-haa once and for all, so everyone can get on with their lives. And by Jimeny I eventually did it! I have devised a superb tip-top plan that will end all the silliness there and hopefully bring about peace to all sides and they will all finally be able to be like ebony and ivory living together in perfect harmony side by side on my piano keyboard etc...

So what's this plan? Well to understand it you have to look at the history of this miserable dump and search around for clues there. The entire matter is because one side in this conflict claims that they should have possession of land that is in dispute as it was theirs ten billion years ago or whatever and that it should now theirs and that they want the other side to bugger orff.

Now for the other side of the arguement. The other side in this conflict claims that they should have possession of the land that is in dispute as it was theirs ten trillion years ago or whatever and that it should now be theirs and that they want the other side to bugger orff. Right so that's the background dealt with.

So it transpires that the solution emerged during the funeral of one of the leaders of the two sides. He was buried in his opposing side's land but with soil from the other side. This was a symbolic gesture but nevertheless an important one for whichever side wanted it. Right so! There's the answer! 

One side is a largely advanced economy specialising in banks, industry, weapons, nuclear power stations, factories and hairdressing salons, whilst the other side has a largely agrarian economic set up with lots of farms, animals, cheeses, sheep, goats, hairdressing salons and water melons. 

With this in mind all they have to do is to simply skim orff all the billions of tons of topsoil from the area in dispute for the largely agrarian community and put it somewhere nice. I suggest putting in on the millions of acres of Former Prime Minister Tony Blair's vast property portfolio or 250 yards south of the Ashford bypass in Kent. Failing that deposit all the soil on a uninhabited Greek Island because let's face it that's all they have left after their politicos pocketed the country's cash.

This leaves the subsurface rock strata for the other side in this conflict. This may be exposed to the elements but will be perfect for building more factories, runways, nuclear power stations, hairdressing salons and what have you.

I don't know about you but I think this idea is a winner! I do wish people would ask me about these things.