|Member of the Electorate|
Now, I didn't enjoy doing this very much but I felt that there was a need to actually get right to the bottom of things about what makes em really tick. Because they are all politicos a simple direct question such as 'What makes you tick?' would be simply batted away under a load of old waffle!
So, me and the 'squad' diligently set about kidnapping each and every one of em, putting em against a wall and going through the motions of a mock execution and recording what they all wanted to sup before a few final words and all that sort of thing. Once they'd had their drink and said all their gubbins we let em go and escorted them back to their hotels or wherever they had been without any harm coming to em at all.
Their results are quite important and I bring them to you here for you to make up your own minds before ballot day.
|Can't Hold Drink!|
First up, Eddie 'The Kid' Miliband. Yes Eddie was quite easy to kidnap as the bodyguards hadn't been paid sufficiently so we whisked him orff without let or hindrance. Put against the wall and asked what his tipple was the man wanted a cup of coffee?! Coffee I ask you?! What kind of a party leader is that?! Furthermore, the fellow was so traumatised by the whole affair that he couldn't even pick up the blasted cup through shaking Rubbish! What's even worse were his last words;-
'You know I like people and people like me but we have to work together in order to bring about the workers' revolution and wrestle the ownership of the means of production away from bourgeois capitalists seeking to protect their interests from the working man using the violence inherent in the system. You know I was talking to a man last week....'etc bla bla bla I should have had him shot there and then but you can't often get away with that sort of thing these days. Next up Nigel 'The Garage' Farage
|Down the Hatch|
'No point moping is there? Just tell me that the squad are all British'What a man! Next up David 'The Wicket Keeper' Cameron.
'Tell my wife I love her'I don't know about you but I think that was a bit wishy-washy and undermined the gin and tonic. Next up Natalie 'Acid Bath' Bennett.
'Just pull the trigger and fuck you!'That's right 'Acid Bath' you tell em! Next up Nick 'The Leg' Clegg.
|I'll have the pub|
'youzz is me mate youzz is yeah? hrummp ffff iwth we'll show em!! hnnnnn.... hnnnn.... bluergggghhhhhh'Nice one Nickers I say.
So that's it! This blasted election is almost over for another five years bla bla bla not a single one of em made a gaff big enough to get themselves voted out of office and after all isn't that what the general election in this blasted country has become these days, the party that makes the least gaffs.