Celebrity Plastic Surgery: Before and After

Television Detritus

It appears that being old and getting older is not only undesireable but is also unfashionable! Nonsense!

Numerous actors and that sort of detritus, like this nancy-boy on the right here, that appear on the telly, have taken to visiting the butcher and hacking large chunks of themselves off of their fatuous faces to try to make it look as though they are of a younger age. Codswallop! That's what I say. Codswallop! 

What's the matter with these people? Are they insecure? Frightened of getting old? Scared of dying? Worried that people won't look at them any longer? Well people are looking at this lot alright and for all the wrong reasons.

It's discrimination that's what it is! Downright ageism. In looking younger they think they are younger! Well they're not! They are just more stupid and out of touch with reality.

Just look at Melanie Griffiths for example. She seems to think that having her jaw permanently fixed further forward than her nose is attractive! No it isn't! It makes her resemble a damn fool

Lock Jaw

While this man known as carrot-top thinks that attaching electric wires to his wedding-tackle will improve his act. Err he may be right on that one though....

Electric Wires to wedding-tackle

While Micheal Jackson didn't even bother getting any surgery done he just hired an imposter to take his place and not a very good one at that!

Hire and Imposter?

While this complete shower, Gary Busey, has gone for the Startled-Rabbit-Caught-in-Car-Headlights look.

Should have electric wires attached to wedding-tackle

There's nothing wrong with getting old, looking old and being old. If this shower of people and many more of em besides, want to alter their appearance then it's not facelifts they need,  its a bullet through the head. That's the only sort of lanugage they understand.

Pompeii. Remarkable City

Decided to pop into Pompeii last week whilst I was down in those parts, on a wine excursion. Pompeii (or Pompers) is the famous town that was buried in a huge volcanic eruption from Mount Versuvius in A.D. 49, just after tea-time.

The place was buried so fast that the locals were not able to get away in time and were buried alive, burned and scorced to death in the most unimaginable of pains. A by-product of the super searing death they met was that the scalding ash effectively preserved them all in time at the moment they were buried. By a quirk of fate Archeologists have been able to make plaster casts of the bodies left by these people.

The screaming agony was to our benefit as the casts of their bodies give a clear insight into life at the time and one can say not much has changed. Take this first photo for instance. This chap was clearly blotto on Gin and Tonic and was unable to get up off the floor. One can even still see the bottle in his hand.

Blotto

 Whilst in this second photo this chap's wife had obviously buggered off with the man next door as he was probably rubbish in the bedroom department.

Bedroom Department

And just look at this one who clearly deserved to burn as he was unable to descern the difference between a toilet and wooden box!

Toilet

Yes well as I said not much has changed......

Complete Twat?

Baumgartner

Take a Running Jump!

Just been reading abouut Felix Baumgartner. This chap came to global notoriety as the first chappie to skydive from a one-chap podule 36km up in the high reaches of earth’s atmosphere. He broke several records including the first chap to go at supersonic speed unassisted by any jiggery-pokery or what have you.

Well anyway the bleeder has just been fined £1500 for hitting a Greek lorry driver in a foreign country.

What sort of person does that sort of thing? Just because he’s broken the sound barrier doesn’t mean he can go round hitting people, no sir by Jimeny it does not!

It’s a disgrace! Time and time again we see people becoming famous and as a consequence they go around breaking social norms and flouting conventions of society like passing water on small children, vomiting on policemen and all that sort of thing.

Everybody knows that hitting people is dangerous, if you're not careful you can break the bones in your wrist! What Baumgartner should have done was thrash the man. Preferably with a horse-whip. It’s much safer as the impact isn't absorbed by your own personage.

I mean if Baumgartner isn't able to do something as simple as this the fool can go and take a running jump! 

Auguste Renoir: Le déjeuner des canotiers

Auguste Renoir: Le Déjeuner des Canotiers

August Renoir's Le déjeuner des canotiers or in it’s proper form ’The Luncheon of the Boating Party’ is one of his finest impressionist style paintings

Renoir like other impressionist painters of that period substituted form in favour of colour and light to render depictions of nature or society functions. Previously, art had been studio based with artificial light being depicted but the impressionists forwent this traditional enclosed style to express themselves wholly in terms of natural colour, feeling and cat food.

There are Some Really Clever Bastards

What's this Crap?!

Just been reading about some boffins at a technology company called HzO who are developing a substance that will waterproof mobile telephones.

Apparently experiments are going all tickety-boo with the current depth of water being one metre and the phone still remains in working order

So naturally all the boffins, tech wizards, geeks and clever little bastards that work there are delighted and patting themselves on the back.

Well let me tell you something! The only pat on the back these people deserve is one emanating from a cow. OK so the blasted phone works to a depth of one metre does it? Well no it doesn't! If one is one metre under water how the devil is one supposed to speak? or listen for that matter? All anyone would here is the blub blub blubbing of air exiting from one’s mouth.

This company is full of cretins! No wonder the country is going to the dogs. This has got to be one of the most stupidest ideas I've ever seen in my life! And what is all the hullabaloo about one metre of water? So what! I know several people that could piss one metre of water!