Socialist Potholes

Typical Socialist Pothole

Just been reading about potholes! Yes that's right pot holes. Apparently the UK government has allocated £168 million of MY MONEY to 148 local councils (over 60% of which are socialist) across the country to fix the blasted things. It's a disgrace!

But what is a pothole anyway? Well it's a large hole in a road that forms when predominantly socialist councils behave like absolute sha'ars and neglect to do things properly. Typically surface water undermines the road surface substrata weakening it's structural integrity, (this is, incidentally the same principle that socialists use to take over councils, metropolitan areas and nations. 

Tip-Top Counter-Terrorism Plan

Sainsbury's

Right so I was eating breakfast in bed this morning, smoked kippers and champagne as a matter of fact when I had this tip-top wonderful idea to prevent those sexually frustrated terrorists attacking and destroying public buildings and famous monuments, like the attacks in New York on the World Trade Centre way back in 2001. In fact my idea was so splendid that I fancy it can be applied to any major city throughout the civilized world facing this sort of threat. It's also fast, cheap and easy to implement. This one's going to be a winner I can tell you!

Right then, down to business, first thing to do is to locate your city that is under threat say for example London. Once you've done that you will need to evacuate the place. This must be done pretty sharpish as if these terrorist twits get wind of your plan they may be inclined to make a pre-emptive move thus rendering your plan very silly and you don't want that happening. I fancy the evacuation should take no more than four hours, anyone left in the city after that is probably on drugs anyway so who's going to notice if they have left or not?

Return the Elgin Marbles Say I!

George Clooney

Just been reading about Camal Clooney, wife of multi-millionaireHollywood actor George Clooney, sticking her oar in about the subject of the Elgin Marbles. Well what has it got to do with her I ask you? She gets married to a Hollywood superstar, who is jealous of my looks and then launches this campaign to try and freeze me out of the limelight. It's a disgrace!

Err... anyway for those who are not well versed in this matter the Elgin Marbles are a collection of Classical Greek marble sculptures, inscriptions and architectural pieces, hand crafted by Davros Phidias and his assistants a million years ago that were originally part of the temple of the Parthenon and other buildings of the Acrapalot.

Terrorism in Paris

Errorists

There was error in Paris as extremists brought fear and panic to the streets. 'I awoke in the morning and it was just an ordinary day but by the time it had finished there was fear, panic and error everywhere.' said one Paris resident.

What had started as an ordinary day finished with thousands of journalists from all over the world, except the Islamic State spreading fear, panic, lies exaggeration and error.

How to Prevent ILLEGAL Immigration.

Plague

Right then! One is fed up with the subject of illegal immigration! It's all been blown out of proportion and hardly anybody knows what to do about it and any time someone proffers a solution then some arse comes up with a counter-argument resulting in nothing happening! It's a disgrace!