50 Shades of Grey: Review

Mild Walk in the Park

Fifty Shades of Grey is a 2011 erotic novel by British author E.L.James set largely in the American city of Skidadle, it traces the deepening relationship between a college graduate, Anastasia Steele, and a young business magnate, Christian Grey. 

Apparently this book is notable for its explicitly erotic scenes featuring elements of sexual practices involving bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, sadism/masochism or BDSM as Lady Dooms-Patterson calls it. 

Well I've read this novel and I can tell you now that there's no more BDSM in this novel than what I used to get when I was at school in Harrow.

Olympic Games, Bloody Marvellous!

Olympic Flame Burns Onwards

You know one is a bit of a curmudgeon and not usually prone to sentimentality.

However, the London Olympic Games have been absolutely super and I just want to give three cheers to all the athletes, officials and volunteers who participated.

One thinks the games are a super shiny, tip-top example to all those out there looking to do something with their lives.

One doesn’t have to be something spectacular, just be something. So get outside and become something, even if it is just a runner in your spare time two or three times a week. Or walking to work instead of taking a ghastly bus!

Anyone can do this, even all those good people out there who are clinically obese. Also, drug addicts and the unemployed. Along with riffraff, the stupid, the unintelligent and lazy bastards too!

Not forgetting morons and oafs of course and shitbags, scum, trailer-trash, heathen swine and Piers mOrgan too. 

The last two weeks of this Olympiad have been the best! Well done one and all and three cheers to the next Olympics in Rio De Janeiro!



Sir Pery Ware-Armitage

Olympic Boxing Success

Investing in Today's Youth

The Olympic Boxing is just great! Anybody been following it?

You know boxing really is the noble sport going back over one hundred years. 

Today it has a firm foundation in the deprived areas of our towns and cities where successive blasted governments have failed to invest in the young people that so deservedly should have a better future.

It is to boxing that many of them turn to seek a way out of the urban chaos that can blight so many lives. It teaches discipline, respect and above all gives people a greater sense of self worth more than any government can provide.

Until governments start taking care of the youth of this country indeed of any country then Boxing is a way out for the deprived areas of our society. 

Also, there is nothing better on television these days than watching  working class people knocking the crap out of each other.

Urban Olympic Games

Fare-Dodge Champion

Javelin, discus, running, hurdles? All these sports were meant to reflect a chap’s abilities on the battle field in ancient times. That's what the Olympiad was devised for don cha know. That way nobody would get killed and everyone could have a jolly good old caper.

But these days the battle field has changed somewhat. So I suggest some new sports that reflect the modern warrior.

Weight Looting

1) The 100 metre drive-by shooting (self explanatory)


2) The Shove (Murderous policeman pushes a man to the ground with as much impunity as possible)

The Shove

3) Truncheon-Relay (a team of six policemen take it in turns to whack the crap out of someone)

4) The Suicide-Bomber hurdles

5) The Double-Jump (A hop and a jump onto a metro train pursued by three heavily armed policemen.)

6) Weight-looting (Running with a bulking object as fast as possible, i.e. plasma TV or microwave oven)

7) Fare-Dodging (jumping ticket barricades)

8) Arsen-o-thon (Setting fire to Buildings)

This is a complete winner! Think of the sponsorship deals. Any more suggestions do drop me a line.

The Mona Lisa

Mystery Smile Solved

The Mona Lisa or La Giaconda as they say in Italy.

Painted by Leonardo Da Vinci a long time ago this painting has come to encapsulate not only an era when women were supposed to hold mystery to men but it also encapsulates the mystery of the painter himself. An enigma of a man who made very good seafood vol-au-vonts (apparently)

Anyway, her smile has beheld mankind ever since its first display. The slightness of its inflexion, the curve of its lip, the colour of its skin. The message she was trying to convey, was it one of sadness, loss, grief or some or all of these. 

Or was she just a tease? Trying to tempt Leonardo away from his work with the promise of her heavenly body for him to take hold of and thrill her for eternity.