Police: Syria Girls Negligence

Do you want my number!

One of the fathers of the three silly little school girls who ran away to Syria has rounded on the police for not doing their job properly.

The father of Amira Abase stated that his daughter was a good daughter and it wasn't her shitting fault she thought it would be a GOOD idea to go the Islamic State controlled area where gays are defenestrated, foreigners beheaded, ancient artefacts destroyed and killing those with whom you have a differing opinion is acceptable.

When asked who he thought was responsible for his daughter's actions his response was unequivocal, 'It's the police,' he said, if they had been monitoring HIS daughter she may well still have been with him and instead someone else's silly daughter's father would be sitting where he was blaming the police instead.

The metropolitan police commissioner, Sir Bernard Hogan-Howe did accept however, that giving a warning letter for the parents of the girls, to the girls was a poor decision and he apologised. Nevertheless he maintained that there had been no reasonable cause for assuming that these children were about to piss off and donate their bodies to a bunch of dirty, murdering butchers.

Despite the apology the father continued to blame the police in order to exonerate himself of any responsibility for the girls' actions, something that he had probably done all his life anyway as responsibility for children is probably not men's work.

In other news the father of the pilot of the lost flight MH370, Zaharie Ahmad Shah, this week stated that his son was in no way responsible for the loss of the plane, 'Yes he was flying the plane,' said Mr Shah, 'but he was a good pilot and it was not his shitting fault that it disappeared.'

When asked who he thought was responsible his reply was unequivocal, 'It was the police! Why if they had been monitoring HIS son he may well still have been with him and instead someone else's son's father would be sitting where he was blaming the police instead.

When asked about the accusation over the phone the Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir Bernard Hogan-Howe responded, 'err.. This is the police, you want to speak to someone at British Airways mate this isn't anything to do with us.'

Can I have your number?

Home news now and politicians are screaming 'chicken' at Prime Minister David Cameron for trying to dodge out of a TV election debate with the other main national parties. The Conservative Party Chairman Grant Shatz stated that the Prime Minister David Cameron was in no way responsible for the fiasco of the TV debate scheduling. 'Yes he is the Prime Minister,' said Mr Shitz, 'but he is a good Prime Minister and it's not his shitting fault that he is too scared to attend.

When asked who he thought was responsible, Mr Shits' reply was unequivocal. 'It's the police! Why if they had been monitoring OUR Prime Minister he may well still have been able to attend the debate and instead someone else's party chairman would be sitting where he was blaming the police instead.

When asked about the accusation over the telephone the Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir Bernard Hogan-Howe stated, 'Err.. This is the police, you want to speak to someone at Democracy in Action mate.  This isn't anything to do with us... Is this that weirdo again? People like you make me sick!'

You  can have your number back!

Local news now and Mrs G. Crossett of 55 Bagnal Street, Stevenage hit out at the people that laugh at the size of her cat, Tiddles', huge, horrible, hairy, malodorous backside.

'Tiddles is a good cat,' she said, 'yes he does have a huge horrible hairy, malodorous backside, but it's a good backside and it's not his shitting fault it's so huge, horrible, hairy and malodorous.'

When asked who she thought was responsible for the huge, horrible, hairy, malodorousness of Tiddles' backside her response was unequivocal, 'Well it's the police!" she said, 'Why if they had been monitoring HIS huge, horrible, hairy backside he may still have been able to shit out of his arse twice a day and instead someone else's huge, horrible, hairy malodorously backsided cat's owner would be sitting where she was blaming the police instead.

When asked about the accusation over the telephone the Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir Bernard Hogan-Howe stated, 'Is this that weirdo again? I can fuckin have you mate! I got your number! You call me again and I'm calling the police!