Admiral Nelson Mandela: An Obituary

 Admiral Nelson Mandela

One is sad to announce the death of one of the greatest leaders of the modern age.
 
Earlier today the global statesman Admiral Half-Nelson Mandela died peacefully at his home near the coast, as he did like to be beside the seaside, beside the sea.

After defeating P.W. Bonaparte at the battle of Trafalgar Square in 1815 over the hated Poll Tax by getting him in a one-armed head lock, (the Half-Nelson), Nelson went and hid in a place called Robben Island to get some rest and relaxation for the next 185 years until 1990 or something like that.



It was here that he met is good friend and now Prime Minister of Zimbabwe Morgan Tsvangirai. Together they signed a peace deal with F.W. De Klerk in 1992 that facilitated them with a distillery. This is where the famous Captain Morgan and Admiral Nelson Rums are produced. 

F.W. de Klerk

Well anyway Nelson went on to become the President of South Africa and his first act was to get rid of all Racists. Consequently, South Africa has never won the 200 metres sprint nor hurdles for that matter, nor any kind of race unless it was for people with no legs.

In his later years he took up acting for Hollywood. In his first film he portrayed Morgan Freeman in the film 'Invictus' in which The South African Rugby Team won the world championship. In addition to this he went on to portray Morgan Freeman again in Ricky Gervais' 'The Office' and later Peter Jackson's 'The Hobbit.'

A great Statesman and a man of principle, humility, humbleness and integrity, generous of spirit and character. In his later years he sought to retain his privacy and not to have his personal life sprawled all over the newspapers like some undignified 'B' list celebrity trying to get out of a jungle and all that sort of thing. He died a doubly-incontinent multi-millionaire and will be greatly missed.