Global Warming...? Global Farting!

Vanessa Feltz

Just been reading up on a theory about dinosaurs and global warming. Apparently the blighters gassed themselves all to death by billowing out billions of tons of methane.

The scientists based their theory on the methane producing capacity your common or garden cow.

Piers mOrgan

After scaling up the results from cows to your average every day sauropod, such as Brontosaurus, the individuals behind this theory estimated volume of methane produced would have been as much as 520 million tons per year, which incidentally is the same as what that cloth-eared, swivel-eyed, fornicating little twit Piers mOrgan produces out of his mouth per show but that is beside the point.

Today, according to researchers, the global output of methane is around 500 million tons per year, of which cows produce between 50 and 100 million tons and Vanessa Feltz produces 3 million.

Fart

This means two things: The first is that we must stop feeding Vanessa Feltz. The second thing is that we must just stop Piers mOrgan.... that's it... just stop him.

So what does this all mean for global warming? Well I'll tell you exactly what it means! It's just another argument to show that global warming simply does not exist and that everything that is happening around us is due instead purely and simply to global farting.