Every Breath You Take

Read these Lyrics! Go on Just read them!

Every breath you take

He'll be watching you

And every move you make
Every bond you break, every step you take
I'll be watching you

Every single day
And every word you say
Every game you play, every night you stay
I'll be watching you

Oh can't you see
You belong to me
How my poor heart aches
With every step you take

Every move you make
And every vow you break
Every smile you fake, every claim you stake
I'll be watching you

Madonna Tit

Showed a Tit and is a Tit

That blasted woman Madonna is at it again.

Not contented with boring the entire planet senseless with her one-trick pony career for the last thirty thousand years she’s now exposing her micro-bosom to everybody on tour! This woman is clearly on Crystal Meths.

It’s a disgrace! Doesn't she have a moral compass? She's a right tit! (which incidently was what she was exposing) This woman needs to be taught a lesson but you just can't reason with people like that.

Scientology, Tom Cruise., Ray Bans & Constipation

Not Suffering from Ray Ban Induced Constipation

Just worked out why people who wear Ray Ban sunglasses look so miserable all the time.

It’s because they’re all suffering from constipation. Why had I not seen it before?

It explains why they all only answer questions with one word: it's the pain!

Well if these fools spent less money on pointlessly ultra-expensive things to cover their miserable fatuous faces with than decent nosh and a few sachets of immodium they wouldn’t have such constipationally induced pains in their arses. Which is exactly what most of these people are!

As far as I'm concerned they can stick their blasted sunglasses up their huge horrible hairy malodorous backsides!

Laos; Hilary Clinton Flies In.

Clearing her Bombs

Been reading about Hilary Clinton visiting south east Asia.

Apparently the Yankee fellows dropped so many bombs on the gooks in that place it is officially  the most bombed place in the world per capita.

Also not all the ordinance detonated either! Every year dozens of the locals get blown to smithereens by unexploded bombs and they are not too chipper about it. They want Uncle Sam to foot the bill for the clearing up operation as its horrendous and will take years but i’ve got a faster, cheaper solution. Here it is

1) Get a load of bombers.
2) Load em all up with hundreds of thousands of tons of high explosive bombs
3) Fly the bombers over the affected areas
4) Drop the bombs
5) Get the blazes out of there pronto

If that doesn’t stop the locals getting blown to pieces by unexploded ordinance nothing will.

As you were.

Rebekah Brooks Not in Back Door Sex Scandal

Walks Up Hills Only

Just writing to give my support to Rebekah Brooks, disgraced former editor of The Sun and currently awaiting trial for attempting to pervert the course of justice in England.

There are many rumours about this attractive woman one of which concerns the perverse activity of bum sex. 

I mean it just can't be true that this English rose spends her free time taking it in the back door! She is far too innocent looking for her to be a turf-hurdler.

This woman was one of the watchers who kept her eye on those in power all these years so One can't begin to believe she into Penalty Shoot-outs.

Piers mOrgan is a Wanker?

Not a Total Arse

Just writing to give moral support to Piers Morgan. It matters not one not that his monstrous betrayal of the British army in Iraq exacerbated the already tense situation there.

Nor that his complete lack of popularity in England forced him to scurry away to the United States of America.

No sir by Jimeny it does not. Despite being labelled many defamatory names I like him and I don’t think he is a tosser at all. No this is a good man.

Neither is he a wanker nor an arse-wipe. He has done so much to help the needy, just look as Susan Boyle.

Mitt Romney in Sex Scandal Sensation?

Only Fucks Wife

Just want to give my halfpenny worth regarding the Republican party candidate for the post of President of the United States of America, Mitt Romney.

Any rumours of a sex scandal with this man are completely false. This man is a family man with great children and a vast investment portfolio to support them.

His cheer and happiness are there to see for all the world. Why would he embark on an extra-marital affair?  One has never seen such a happy candidate running for this top job.

Rupert Murdoch Hates the English

Look at the horns on his head!!

Right then! So Murdoch hates the English! He doesn't give a shit about us!

Sounds to me like the baby has thrown the dummy out of the pram. 

The man says he can make more money in the United States with his Fucks News Corporation.

OK.. goodbye then.

In the meantime he can take his blasted money, stick it up his arse, then some more up his son's arse, then up his wife's arse and then up Rebekah Brookes' arse, then I'd like to see them all give a shit after that!!!

Transgender?!!

Peculiar Voice

My God what is the world coming to!? It transpires that there is a pervert in my condominium?! 

I thought there was something wrong with her the moment I met her at a function the other evening whilst I was attempting to get her up to my room.

Her voice was a bit strange, she was a little tall and she had B.O. Turns out she was a HE!

My God man what is going on?! He started boasting about his gender reassignment. The only reassignment I could think of was concerning his face!!

Reassignment indeed! In my day there was only one to do with his kind! Cut off his wedding tackle! That's the only language his/her/their sort understand!

Rupert Murdoch in Sordid Sex Shame Shenanigans Scandal

That Woman Murdoch Has Frequent Sex With

One of my sources has just told me that Rupert Murdoch is secretly having sex on a regular basis with a woman in his private apartment.

The woman is said to be young enough to be his grand daughter. It's a disgrace!!!

One of Murdoch’s earlier wives has refused to comment on the matter saying that after their marriage was over it really was none of her business whom Rupert chose to have sexual intercourse with.

J.F.K. Conspiracy Theory

Out of His Head

One has devised a water-tight tip-top theory regarding the Kennedy Assassination. It's very controversial but the evidence backs up everything I say so prepare yourself!

J.F.K. was assassinated by a chap called 'Lee Harvey Oswald.!! The man was hid in a book suppository waited for J.F.K. to scoot past in his motor, fired off a few rounds and then 'bob's your uncle' out blew J.F.K's brains and the man's clogs were popped.

Is Madonna Bored?

Nothing to do all day.

Just heard about a singer called Madonna who has recently released yet another long play record.

As far as I recall she has been doing this sort of thing for the last thirty bleeding years.

Apart from that and prancing around stages all day she doesn't seem capable of doing anything else? What a loser!

I mean she doesn't even have a vineyard.

This woman needs to get a life!!!

Dalai Lama and Happiness

Got Any Change?

Just been listening to some Bhuddist chappie on the wireless called the Dalai Pyjama.

Apparently, the soul is immortal! which means that I will bump into the first wife again at a some point.

But anyway the main point of his discourse was related to universal truth, enlightenment, peace and tolerance.

One found this all very interesting but One couldn't help but think this fellow had missed the fundamental point about life. 

Freedom for Chen Guangcheng!!



Who am I? .



 Bravo to Chen Guangcheng for making his bid for freedom!!! He's done it. After two years under house arrest he gave the guards the slip and is on the run.

One despises oppression don cha know! We've been given mouths to speak so let's hear what everyone's got to say.

Apparently after his escape Chin Gunjam then issued a video for the authorities to ponder over.

Although One has to enquire as to why Chan Gundung chose to wear sunglasses to disguise himself? It's not as though it wouldn't help the authorties find Chon whether he had em on or off. I mean they all look the same in that part of the world so what difference would it make?

Pippa Middleton's Arse?!

Up Yours!!!

Is this all there is left to talk about on this blasted planet? Pippa Middleton's backside! What in God's name is all the fuss about?

It's supposed to be incredible but let me tell you this. As far as one is concerned ones' backside is used for two things, sitting on and shitting out of! Just those two things!

Granted they can be used for kicking but that is a consequence of something. One doesn't offer one's backside to be kicked. One sits or shits!

So just remember those two things when someone next shows you a photo of her backside. She shits out of it and anyone who tries to make you believe otherwise is talking out of their arse!

Brievik's Arse on Trial.

Just writing about that damn fool in Norway! Just look at the twonk. Massacred 77 unarmed people. It's a disgrace!

What I didn't get was that he was protesting against Islam yet he killed a load of Christians?! What's that all about? He's the last one anyone would want on their own side!

Everybody gets angry and all that from time to time but that doesn't mean one can go around shooting people, no Sir by Jimeny it does not!

What you do is thrash the servants.That always lifts my spirits don cha know.

There’s only one thing to do with his sort; round all of them up, stick them on a small island and shoot the lot of em. That's the only language that sort understand.

The President of the United States

Talking Baraks or pure Mitt?

Just writing about the Presidential Candidates in the United States of America for the 2012 Election; Barak Obama and Mitt Romney.

What the blazes were their parents thinking when they named these people. And just who in God's name was Newt?

What happened to good ole fashioned names that have been the mainstay of modern Western Culture. Names like, well Percy for starters, short for Percival and named after Persius of Greek Mythology.

Then there are other great names; Farquhar, was one of my favourites. Then there is my blasted son Cuthbert. Also Quentin, Crispin, Barrington, Tarquin and Tarkwell and don't forget my first ex-wife Blitherington Farquhar-Farquharson.