Australia's Great White Sharks!

No Complaints

Heard on the wireless about those chappies in Australia having a spot of bother with the local marine life

Apparently earlier this week a surfer jonnie was bitten in half by a Great White Shark. Died instantaneously. 

Anyway some of the chaps in Australia now want to go round killing all the sharks so nobody else gets scoffed. Well what kind of an attitude is that? It's not just our planet to with what we wish willy-nilly. No Sir! A shark is a shark, it eats people. That is just what they do. You can't kill the blighters because of that. 

I say leave em alone, they've been on this earth longer than us. Shame on those who want to kill em all just so they can lounge around on the blasted beach bronzing themselves.

People like that make me sick! So intolerant! I say we throw em to the sharks! That's the only sort of language that that lot understand!

Laos; Hilary Clinton Flies In.

Clearing her Bombs

Been reading about Hilary Clinton visiting south east Asia.

Apparently the Yankee fellows dropped so many bombs on the gooks in that place it is officially  the most bombed place in the world per capita.

Also not all the ordinance detonated either! Every year dozens of the locals get blown to smithereens by unexploded bombs and they are not too chipper about it. They want Uncle Sam to foot the bill for the clearing up operation as its horrendous and will take years but i’ve got a faster, cheaper solution. Here it is

1) Get a load of bombers.
2) Load em all up with hundreds of thousands of tons of high explosive bombs
3) Fly the bombers over the affected areas
4) Drop the bombs
5) Get the blazes out of there pronto

If that doesn’t stop the locals getting blown to pieces by unexploded ordinance nothing will.

As you were.

Rebekah Brooks Not in Back Door Sex Scandal

Walks Up Hills Only

Just writing to give my support to Rebekah Brooks, disgraced former editor of The Sun and currently awaiting trial for attempting to pervert the course of justice in England.

There are many rumours about this attractive woman one of which concerns the perverse activity of bum sex. 

I mean it just can't be true that this English rose spends her free time taking it in the back door! She is far too innocent looking for her to be a turf-hurdler.

This woman was one of the watchers who kept her eye on those in power all these years so One can't begin to believe she into Penalty Shoot-outs.

The Higgs-Boson Particle

God's Particles

I've thought it wise to try to explain to the 'Grande Lavee' what the meaning of the Higgs-Boson particle is. Well it's complex but one will attempt to explain through analogy.

First of all one needs a Large Hadron Collider. This is represented by a large empty glass.

Then you add your particles. In this case the atomic particles will be represented by a large pouring of gin. 

Then you accelerate the 'particle' to a speed close to that of the speed of light. This is represented by a generous helping of tonic.

Then to represent Switzerland you add ice but only if there is room left in the glass.

Once this is done you drink the lot in one go. Do this several times to represent the smashed particles. After about three hours of this one will find that the entire universe has lost it's structure and you will be able to see everything in a different way. 

That will be the God particle for you.

Piers mOrgan is a Wanker?

Not a Total Arse

Just writing to give moral support to Piers Morgan. It matters not one not that his monstrous betrayal of the British army in Iraq exacerbated the already tense situation there.

Nor that his complete lack of popularity in England forced him to scurry away to the United States of America.

No sir by Jimeny it does not. Despite being labelled many defamatory names I like him and I don’t think he is a tosser at all. No this is a good man.

Neither is he a wanker nor an arse-wipe. He has done so much to help the needy, just look as Susan Boyle.