Greenhouse Gas Emissions

Gas Emissions

See this man? It's Kinnock! Remember him? The Welsh Wind-bag and one time bleeder of the opposition and I'm telling you this man has got a problem.
 
I was on a plane bound for that ghastly Gatwick Airport last night and it was Kinnock who jumped the queue infront of me. Apparently, working for that Fascio/Stalinist European Union entitles it's employees to queue hop. Well not in my books it doesn't.

So Anyway, mid-way through the flight, after the hostess had served me with my fourth glass of a rather cheeky little Cotes du Rhone, Reserve Chartreuse de Bonpas, Louis Bernard 2007 one had the need to visit the aeroplane's latrine. 

One got out of my first class chair and made my way to the little boys room. When I arrived the blasted door was locked and there was some person inside wiping their backside.

Well after ten minutes the door unlocked and it was old Kinnock again! The fool stepped out with a typical One-is-better-than-thou smirk all over his stupid face and returned to his seat. I then stepped into the kharzi and my God I can tell you, the stink?!

What in Bonaparte's Balls had that man eaten for lunch? It was horrendous! It was like some sick animal had crawled up his arse and died. Just how much gas he had emitted much have been incalcuable? My God it could have filled a bloody Zeppelin. And just how he was able to stay in their for that long is completely beyond me too. He must have been using a gas mask.

And God alone knows how is wife is able to lie in the same bed as him without being blasted out of the window every once in a while. If ever there was a reason for a hole in the ozone layer then he is it.

Just the thrust from his backside could have been enough to propel our aeroplane forwards to supersonic flight.

I'm not surprised that they banned smoking on planes with his sort flying in em, just one light from a match and the entire thing would go up into pieces.

Women in Show Business

Famous Enduring Women

You know one has been hearing alot recently about women in show business.

The general idea seems to be that the Hollywood studios take em in when they are young, stick em in a couple of films for cinema and then get rid of em in favour of the next new thing to hit the town. Or if they last a few more years than that they end up playing stereotypical roles once they get beyond the age of twenty-five, usually this is the role of a mother of two cute little bastardly children.

Iphone 5: Review

Those decent jonnies at Apple Inc had the wherewithal to send me one of their new Iphones for me to cast my opinion on.

One has to say that one was not as impressed as with the previous version. This was related mainly to issues of weight.

The previous incarnation was 20% heavier. As you can imagine this meant that when I threw the new Iphone 5 at some passing Gypsies when it hit one of them it caused less of an injury than the previous one did. Admittedly, I was able to throw it slightly further but one considers the distance in length was affecting the accuracy of my shot; the further away the target the more diffucult it is to hit. So whilst I was aiming to hit the eldest Gypsy child I actually hit her blasted mother instead.

How to Save Water and Paper

Life is a game. When one finds the time for deep introspection, one finds that one simply doesn't have enough happiness to buy enough money.

I mean why should I cough up on things like say, for example, lavatory water, which falls from the sky for free, but then the blasted water companies have the gall to charge ME for it! I mean what the blazes is that all about?

And I don't see why I should have to pay for other related things like lavatory paper either?! I mean what is the point of paying for paper that one uses to wipe one's backside upon. I mean paper is for writing on don cha know. What kind of person is it that voluntarily pays for arse-wiping material? They must be sick!

So this is why this morning I was especially peeved to find that my local pub was closed. Didn't want a drinky you understand but since 1978 one has been using the toilets there every day to help cut down on the water bill at home. 

They didn't even have the decency to warn me about it the night before, when I had popped in to have shit one the way home from the local Indian Restaurant. 

Doesn't anyone care about anyone anymore nowadays. All people can do is think about nothing other than themselves. It's a disgrace!

In the end one had no other option and was forced to relieve one's self in one of those foul portable latrines provided by British Telecom. What a ghastly start to the day!

9/11 Conspiracy Theory

This is the real reason why the Twin Towers Fell:

Two Godzilla shaped Conspiracy Theorists thought their

Conspiracy was better than the bla bla bla....

Got this air-tight, tip-top conspiracy theory as to what actually happen on 9/11 in those dreadful events in New York, Washington D.C. and a field in Pennsylvania back in 2001.

It's a very controversial theory but the evidence backs up everything I say so prepare yourself.

Some codger called Bin Laden, who was in possession of large amounts of anger management issues, told a few of his cohorts to fly aeroplanes into the Twin Towers, the Pentagon and a field in Pennsylvania.

The cohorts promptly jumped on a few aeroplanes, wrestled control of the things from the pilots and then flew them into the Twin Towers, the Hexagon and a field in Pennsylvania.