Black Friday Spreads to UK

Black Friday Victim

Just been reading about that dreaded sickness called 'Black Friday" arriving in the UK!

The sickness started in the United States of America in 1961 in Philadelphia where people went mad on the day after the Thanksgiving holiday.

The Black Friday sickness is spread by contact with consumer goods. Most particularly virulent is with consumer electronic goods but can just as easily be spread through white goods, fashion items and cheese sandwiches.


The sickness had been confined to the United States of America but shock engulfed Britain last night as outbreaks were confirmed all over the UK.

Early symptoms include pointlessly standing outside a shopping centre or shop early in the evening with an inane expression upon the victims' faces. As time passes victims start to get more and more irrational, tetchy foul-mouthed and eventually lose all self control. Finally at midnight a host carrier, that is completely unaffected by the sickness, opens a door to the shopping centre or shop causing all the victims to flood inwards and make mad dashes to consumer goods.

Restraint

A specialist in the Black Friday sickness, Doctor L.H. McCoy from the aircraft carrier the U.S.S. Enterprise said, "this illness is beyond all medical knowledge that we have on board the ship. It's totally out of control. We can do nothing to help these poor people." He added, "People have questioned my inability to come up with a vaccine claiming that I am nothing but an out-of-work-actor trying to relive past glories of when I was famous in some sort of 1960s science fiction television series. This is not true."

So far the Black Friday sickness has completely out of control in The Unites States, Canada and Mexico where it is known as El Buen Fin. However there have been isolated reports of cases in numerous countries around the world including India, Germany and Austria. However, the authorities there have the sickness under control.

Glaxo-Smithklein-Beecham has been working on a cure for the sickness. A spokesman said, "We have been working on this terrible illness for a number of years. So far we have only two drugs. The first is to plunge the global economy into such a deep recession that nobody will have any money to spend at all on this day.

The second is to fairly redistribute global wealth so that it is not all concentrated into the hands of the rich, bankers, celebrities, politicians, crooks and pharmaceutical corporations that deliberately introduce lethal viruses into the world's populace in order to pretend to come up with a cure after it has killed millions anyway, in order to make even more money.

After last night's outbreak across the UK a police spokesman stated 'Oi you! I can 'ave you I can! I'm a copper! I can arrest you and put you in the nick! If you were black I could even shoot you and still get away wiv it mate!"