S.P.W.A - v - Armani

Would you buy clothes from this man?

S.P.W.A. was walking along the street this morning

W.A.G.   was walking in the opposite direction

S.P.W.A. and W.A.G. were on collision course.

S.P.W.A. moved a little to the left

W.A.G.   remained on course

S.P.W.A. moved a little more to the left

W.A.G.   kept on

S.P.W.A. moved back to the right a little

W.A.G.   kept on

S.P.W.A. aligned his briefcase with W.A.G.’s shopping bag

W.A.G.   kept on course

S.P.W.A. increased speed

W.A.G.   kept on course obviously thinking she had divine right to use the pavement willy-nilly

S.P.W.A.’s briefcase was laden with personal documents and six house bricks.

W.A.G.   was carrying large paper bag with ’Armani’ written upon it.

S.P.W.A. knew what was coming

W.A.G.   didn't

S.P.W.A.s’ briefcase connected with W.A.G.s shopping bag.

W.A.G.s’ shopping bag entered lower Earth orbit earlier this afternoon

S.P.W.A. pisses himself laughing

W.A.G    starts blabbering some incomprehensible claptrap typical of that sort of non-recommendable person.

S.P.W.A. - 1 ..... Armani - O

Intercontinental Ballistic Incontinence

Cure for Incontinence

As a person gets old that person starts losing full control of their bodily functions, for example copious quantities of wind being audibly released into atmospheres at social functions, dinner parties, evening balls, culinary soirees, polite company and all that sort of thing.

Of course great gargling gas emissions are just the tip of the ice-berg don cha know! Other people actually defecate in their own clothes! This actually happened to Great Uncle Whoopsie Ware-Armitage at The Palace circa 1927 when an accidental blast tore a whole right through his undergarments and trousers!

Well it need not happen ever again! No Sir by Jimeny it need not! For one has devised a super tip-top way to be rid of this blight upon human dignity once and for all.

That's right a cure ballistic incontinence. Not only that but the cure is so easy it'll make one an overnight millionaire!

It's simple, all one has to do is the following;

1) Obtain a long list of sufferers.

2) Confiscate all their trousers and underpants.

3) Pass a law forbidding these people from wearing below the navel garments. 

Then the next time they lose control of their solid waste expulsion musculature it all falls onto the floor or gets blasted onto the nearest wall of the post office leaving them standing there without beshitten undergarments.

David Sodding Blaine ! (Again)

Right Idea Blaine-Again.......

Oh for God’s sake it's that dreadful little oik of an attention-seeker David Blaine (Again.)

As per usual Blaine-Again is attempting to gain even more attention by showing us how clever he is (again.) This time by standing within the confines of a large electrical field, dressed as an idiot alledgedly putting his life in peril (again.)

Well you don’t need to be an supposed magician to pull a stunt like that, no Sir! What you need to be is one of the most insecure, lonely, boring, tedious, odious, monotonous, uninteresting, cloth-eared, swivel-eyed, fornicating little gits that have ever laid foot upon this earth.

Secret iPhone 5 Feature

It's a collect call!

You know that new iPhone 5 has an amazing feature on it that those clever fellows at Apple simply haven't told anyone about.

And the good thing is is that you don't even have to crack the damn thing to access this secret feature too, Incredible.

So what is this amazing feature? Well this is a good one. Those clever fellows at Apple made the iPhone 5 a little bit longer. They told journalists that this was to accommodate an extra layer of app iconographs but in reality this extension serves a greater purpose.

Jimmy Sa'VILE: A Dirty Rotter!

Jimmy Sa' VILE

Just writing about that ghastly human being Jimmy Savile.

While that dreadful person was alive he was revered throughout Great Britain not only as a tireless charity worker but also played a demented Radio 1 D.J. character presenting that nauseating programme Top Of The Plops.

Secretly the man used his television popularity as a way of grooming children before interfering with them willy-nilly for his own carnal lusts. It's a disgrace!

It's a breach of trust, that's what it is. He wormed his way up the greasy pole of that Paedo-Stalinist BBC solely for the purpose of putting himself in a position of respectability by which to abuse youngsters. It’s an absolute abhorrence that he used the BBC in this manner.

What he should have done was got a job teaching in public school. That would have been much more appropriate.