How Many Languages in the World?

Drone, Waffle, Blab, Bore, Natter and Crap!

Was walking along the high street yesterday when some fellow approached me with a look upon his countenance that was indicative of his wanting something from me. 

Seeing as it was around Christmas time I thought I would give the man the benefit of the doubt and at least listen to what the bleeder wanted. Well anyway he got up to me and muttered something incomprehensible.

Initially, one thought that he was a drunkard seeking to alleviate me of some of MY money. Well odds-bodkins one doesn't need that kind of thing at this time of the year! 

So before I had the chance to shoo the man away he muttered it again! But he wasn't slurring his words and also there was no sign of him having passed water in his undergarments. So one demanded that he repeat himself and he did. But one still couldn't get one's ear around what the fool was uttering and he muttered something more. 

One started to get irate with the man and demanded that he speak clearly. It was only as I was about to demand that that fool apologise to me for looking at me that I realised what was going on. The man was in fact not speaking English! He was speaking that other global language that everybody else speaks. Yes that's right he was just speaking foreign. Well those are the only languages I know of, English and Foreign. Realising this I looked at sorry fellow and tried to communicate with him that I couldn't speak foreign by shouting very loudly the following;

'NO SPEAK FOREIGN. YOU NOW SPEAK ENGLISH'

Of course the fool continued speaking foreign! I mean what is the world coming to? One would have thought that everyone in the world spoke English by now! But no by Jimeny they do not! So there was nothing left for me to do but to start thrashing the fellow. And rather than taking it like a man the utter coward ran away. And do you know what another fellow approached me a few minutes later also muttering in foreign! In fact all day I could hear the pagan swine muttering in foreign. 

That's the last time I go to Belgium for a weekend break.

Piers mOrgan Deportation Petition

Nazional Rifle Association

One has just read that there is a petition in the United States to get Piers Morgan deported.

The reason for this is because he spoke out in favour of a stricter gun control within the United States after the Connecticut shootings in which twenty-six people had had their brains splattered all over the place thus dying.

Merry Christmas, One and All.

Merry Christmas/Easter

See this picture? One feels that, since there is an economic crisis, it would be wise to set an example to all those out there without money and show how one would go about economising on things if one were in the same situation.

So to that end one's good friend and all round Bon Vivant Lord Michael Brown of Vancouver, Canada has designed this Christmas/Easter card combo. It captures both the essence of Easter and the joy of Christmas.

Furthermore, one can keep it on the mantelpiece for at least four months, depending on when Easter falls next year of course.

Good Christmas Deed for the Day

I am a Truely Generous Man

You know one of the good things about being me is that I sometimes surprise even myself with my generosity of spirit and the like.

Take today for example. I was moseying down the street in a cheerful mood when I saw this decrepit wretch begging for money whilst sitting on the cold, wet floor. The man was a pathetic sight and also smelled of a combination of dried urine and congealed urine. Truely dreadful. Not only that but he was wearing a trenchcoat and walking boots!! Can you imagine that?

Nevertheless, the Christmas spirit has taken a hold of one and the cheer has permeated it's way into one's heart and all that sort of thing.

So I approached the chappie with a big smile upon my face and went and told him what my Christmas menu was going to be along with the winelist.

He muttered some incomprehensible gibberish so I told him that he needed to be grateful to God just for the pleasure of being alive. After all isn't life worth living for the sake of living it?

I then stopped some passer by and persuaded the man to give some money to the wretch on the floor. Life is truely wonderful don cha know.

Youth of Today!

Male? Female? Get them to vomit!

Egads Man! One was out last night in the centre of the little town of Charlton Heston whereupon I came across some young people socialising in the street.
   

One noticed that half the young chaps had their trousers so low as to make their underpants visible to the world at large! It’s a disgrace!

The ladies were a different kettle of fish! They actually concealed their underwear beneath their pantaloons. One seems to recall that it used to be almost the other way around! Ridiculous!