Horse Manure!

Can't Give a Shit

Just how is it possible to get horse manure wrong?!! I mean just what the blazes is going on in this country?

With the summer here one needs to move tons of manure onto the garden for good produce come harvest time. I find this back-breaking work for servants to do but I soldier on.

However, because of the wretched servants strike about to enter it's eighteenth month one has had to go to outsiders for one's manure.

So I went to the Gypsies next door and asked them to come round and leave as much of their shit as possible next to the kitchen garden. And this they did without let or hindrance, I paid them by the ton. All very nice, how could that possibly go wrong?

Well later that afternoon some fool from the local borough council visited and insisted on taking a sample of the manure just for examination he said. Poppycock, this clown was out to cause trouble.

Within a day half the blasted council were round my estate accompanied but the Old Bill! They placed me under arrest and before I knew it I was in a cell at the police station! The indignity of it all!! 

And it was all the fault of those pagan swine Gypsies. I gave them specific instruction NOT to use the manure from my racehorse stables and instead steal it from another farm. This was because all my manure contains traces of performance enhancing drugs, painkillers, Banned muscle toners, andrenaline activators and all that sort of thing etc.

Well that's the last time I use those damn Gypsies! You just can't trust anybody these days! Even the bloody horse manure is shit these days!