Ray Harryhausen: An Obituary

Found Up Arse

Just been reading about Ray Harryhausen the legendary visual effects animator who sadly died earlier this week of constipation.

During his long life Harryhausen pioneered research into medication for constipation in the film industry. This was known colloquialy as Stop Motion Visuals although why anyone would want to visualise this sort of thing is completely beyond me. Additionally Stop Motion also gave him a chance to make forays into colonic irrigation, appendicitus, dysentry, gihardia, incontinence and blowing off.



He was particularly keen on constipated people and other such forms of solid human waste material that could be made into dinosours. For example, 'It Came From Beneath the Sea,' was his second film about such rectal inconveniences taking over the planet, preceeded by 'The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms.' With 'One Million Years W.C.' he ventured into latrine hygene at the time of the dinosaurs and all that sort of thing.

His most famous documentary was about proctology in ancient Greece entitled 'Jason and the Arse-o-nauts'

With all his documentaries about toilets etc his later films weren't as popular, I mean I dread to think what Valley of the Gwangi was all about but it must have been big as the film was made in Super Stop Motion.

Wanted to Find Up Arse

As he progressed with his measures to ease the plight of millions of people suffering from constipation, his methods got ever more desparate; his process called Dynamation indicated that the only thing capable of alleviating blocked bowels was a stick of dynamite up One's arse! I mean what had the man been eating?!!

Anyway to attempt to attract more cinema goers he enlisted the help of Raquel Welch to star in One Million Tons W.C. The strategy worked and Harryhausen was able to work on his documentary about blowing off entitled 'The Golden Voyage of Windbag.' His last film in 1981 was about chronic incontinence, called 'Slash of the Titans' and everybody thought it was crap.


Anyway, he was very old and nobody liked him very much because he smelled of Solid Human Waste Matter. I mean who wouldn't after years hanging round people's huge, horrible, hairy, malodorous backsides?