Aung San Suu Kyi: An Obituary

She Was A Girl From Burma-ingham

Just been reading about Aung San Suu Kyi.

She was the world famous and respected politician who campaigned against the military dictatorship in her home of Burmingham, a large industrialised urban conurbation, situated in the West Midlands/Alabama.

Suu Kyi was born at a very young age and was immediately named after her mother's side salad as she was born in a Nepalese restaurant.
She stood for election in 1990 against the military government of Burmingham Alabama/West Midlands and beat them into second place. The bounders then invalidated the election simply because they couldn't pronounce her name.

Suu Kyi was very upset by this and went home for the next 21 years to sulk and also to refuse to come out and say hello, even to the milkman. As part of this sulking, Aung San Suulk Kyi recieved a large international following with dozens of countries giving her totally meaningless accolades and awards. For Example, she received the Sakharov Prize for Freedom of Thought in 1990. Well that's hardly a big deal is it. Even a trifle can think now can't it!

Then in 1991 Ang San Sulk Kyi received the Nobel Peace Prize. Again, sitting at home watching the blasted telly and blowing off all day is hardly going to start a World War now is it? Even I could get a peace prize for that.

Also, in 2007, the Government of Canada made Angst San Sulk Kyi an honorary citizen of that country. See what I mean? What's the point of making someone a citizen of a country when they won't even leave their own house prefering to blow off and watch the blasted telly all day?

Then in 1979 the Sex Pistols wrote a song about her in which they said:

Lydon Sings to Aung

She was a girl from Burma-ingham

She's just had an abortion

She was case of Insanity

Her name was Sulky 

and she lived in a tree

Or something like that. But anyway, she was a great politician who fortunately liked staying at home. I just wish more of that lot would follow her example.


 

Hans Lipschis: Arrest

Hans full of Shitz

Just been reading about some jonny called Hans Lipschis. 


This fellow was one of those tricky-dicky National Socialist jonnies who didn't have anything better to do with their time than to go around causing trouble on mainland Europe during the 1940s.

International Woman Day

Celebrating Woman

Right then so it's International Woman Day today. This movement is relatively new insofar as it started in the Former Colonial Imperium which is now called the United States of America. 

Woman Day was first observed in February 1908 don cha know and was supported by a load of socialists from the American Socialist Party, can't ever imagine a party called that not being bombed by the CIA but that is another matter.

Anyway so Woman Day celebrations are in order! So myself and a few of the fellows;

Fruity Metcalf, Boxey Mathers, Nickelarse McSpadden, Smellytooth Martin, Lefty Wright, Satellite Dave, Herny Werny, Nudge O'Rielly, Popeye Roe and Hyphen Fitzgibbons-Boots Junior are all going out to celebrate.

Milan, Italy: Fascism Week

Incontinent

Italy is an oddball don cha know! Although the last World War ended a few weeks ago the people of Milan hold a festival every now and then and call it Fascism Week.

The week consists of very well dressed and in some cases very bizarrely dressed fascionisti walking up and down a long plank of wood with very serious countenances.

These individuals typically consist of a lot of Nancy-Boys and Girls, all of whom are either  ill, thin or judging from the way they walk, appear to be suffering from gastro-intestinal complications, such as piles or hemorrhoids, diarrhoea, constipation, worms or have an implement such as a bicycle pump or suppository stuck up their backsides. Failing all that they have all shat in their undergarments. What a ghastly shower!

While this poncing about on planks of wood is all very well one doesn't exactly see what on earth this has to do with Fascism. Although the Fascists of 70 to 80 years ago had very smart uniforms and all that sort of thing one can't help but feel something went wrong somewhere. The fascists I mowed down all those years ago were are fit and  healthy lot with an appetite for a good ole scrap! 

This lot of pooves, on the other hand, couldn't fight their way out of a wet paper bag. I mean can you imagine having to go into battle with these incontinents on your side? Of course not! 

If this lot want to walk along a plank then I recommend they do just that, only on one that is tied to the side of ship.

Oscar Pistorius: The Trial

Oscar Pissedasafarticus with Guitar

Just heard the charges brought against Oscar Pistorius.

The clown has been charged with shooting his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp dead. 

In his defence Pissedonabus claims that he heard a burglar in the house, shot first then asked questions, simple really.

However, the neighbours story is entirely different. They claim to have heard shouting between Pissedoffruis and Steenkamp, followed by gunshots.

Now I don't know about you but people shouting their heads off followed by gunshots equals a pretty sticky situation. It is impossible to make any claims at this juncture but one thinks this is a clearly a case of 'Leg Envy.' I mean have you seen hers? They are just the ticket if you ask me.

If Oscar Pissedasafarticus thinks he can get away with this then he has another thing coming, for me the odds are stacked against him. The fool clearly hasn't got a leg to stand on.

Oscar Pistorius: The Truth

Nice Legs, better than his

Just been reading about the bokker Oscar Pistorius.

Apparently the damn fool went and shot his girlfriend dead on Valentines day. Well that's not very romantic is it? One usually takes one of one's girlfriends to a restaurant or hiking in the countryside. What kind of a man does he think he is?

One can imagine that the answer to that question is 'not much.' Which incidently, is exactly what you can say about the fellow anyway. 

How Many Languages in the World?

Drone, Waffle, Blab, Bore, Natter and Crap!

Was walking along the high street yesterday when some fellow approached me with a look upon his countenance that was indicative of his wanting something from me. 

Seeing as it was around Christmas time I thought I would give the man the benefit of the doubt and at least listen to what the bleeder wanted. Well anyway he got up to me and muttered something incomprehensible.

Initially, one thought that he was a drunkard seeking to alleviate me of some of MY money. Well odds-bodkins one doesn't need that kind of thing at this time of the year! 

So before I had the chance to shoo the man away he muttered it again! But he wasn't slurring his words and also there was no sign of him having passed water in his undergarments. So one demanded that he repeat himself and he did. But one still couldn't get one's ear around what the fool was uttering and he muttered something more. 

One started to get irate with the man and demanded that he speak clearly. It was only as I was about to demand that that fool apologise to me for looking at me that I realised what was going on. The man was in fact not speaking English! He was speaking that other global language that everybody else speaks. Yes that's right he was just speaking foreign. Well those are the only languages I know of, English and Foreign. Realising this I looked at sorry fellow and tried to communicate with him that I couldn't speak foreign by shouting very loudly the following;

'NO SPEAK FOREIGN. YOU NOW SPEAK ENGLISH'

Of course the fool continued speaking foreign! I mean what is the world coming to? One would have thought that everyone in the world spoke English by now! But no by Jimeny they do not! So there was nothing left for me to do but to start thrashing the fellow. And rather than taking it like a man the utter coward ran away. And do you know what another fellow approached me a few minutes later also muttering in foreign! In fact all day I could hear the pagan swine muttering in foreign. 

That's the last time I go to Belgium for a weekend break.

Cricket & the Maasai Mara

Post-Testicle Thwacking

Just been reading about a project by the World Cricket Federation that has introduced the game of cricket to the Masai Mara, a tribe of people in Africa

The idea is to use the sport to help address pertinent issues to the local tribespeople that affect their daily lives. In their case it’s things like A.I.D.S. drought, H.I.V. genital mutilation, gender issues wine tasting and all that sort of hullababoo.

One is in favour of all this sort of thing as they these people make the most atrocious wine.

So how will the organisers do it using the sport of cricket. One couldn't honestly fathom it especially in terms of stuffl like genital mutilation and the A.I.D.S. epidemic. After long considered thought one has come up with how they will do it.

It's simple, for example in reference to drought you simply tell them all that if they don’t conserve water then they get the cricket bat wrapped around their head. In terms of genital mutilation you just tell em that the next person that gets their genitals mutilated gets a thwack in the testicles with the same cricket bat.

Pompeii. Remarkable City

Decided to pop into Pompeii last week whilst I was down in those parts, on a wine excursion. Pompeii (or Pompers) is the famous town that was buried in a huge volcanic eruption from Mount Versuvius in A.D. 49, just after tea-time.

The place was buried so fast that the locals were not able to get away in time and were buried alive, burned and scorced to death in the most unimaginable of pains. A by-product of the super searing death they met was that the scalding ash effectively preserved them all in time at the moment they were buried. By a quirk of fate Archeologists have been able to make plaster casts of the bodies left by these people.

The screaming agony was to our benefit as the casts of their bodies give a clear insight into life at the time and one can say not much has changed. Take this first photo for instance. This chap was clearly blotto on Gin and Tonic and was unable to get up off the floor. One can even still see the bottle in his hand.

Blotto

 Whilst in this second photo this chap's wife had obviously buggered off with the man next door as he was probably rubbish in the bedroom department.

Bedroom Department

And just look at this one who clearly deserved to burn as he was unable to descern the difference between a toilet and wooden box!

Toilet

Yes well as I said not much has changed......

Complete Twat?