Alien Abduction!

Vomit

Had the fright of my life last night when I was abducted by spacemen.

One has read about this sort of thing happening to plebes, scum, trailer trash, poor people and fools but one had dismissed it as hogwash. The product of delusion, mistaken identity or idiocy but not any longer no sir by Jimeny it is true.

One was terrified! So what happened? Well one had just exited the pub after having downed three bottles of chateaux de Molin de cote flambolier followed by a chaser. Then all washed down with a swift Ardbeg 1943, well four swift ones actually as the first three were a bit too swift if you know what I mean?

Then as one was walking back to the estate one noticed that ones weight was starting to increase as the old legs suddenly gave way. Although one did not realise this at the time, this was obviously a gravitational effect of the flying saucer’s propulsion system as it closed in on my personage.

And that was when I saw it! Initially it was just two bright lights heading towards me following the exact direction of the road. Then two bright blue lights just above those started flashing and rotating. This was followed by a bright piercing sound that went something like woooowwwww.

One started to feel fear but one was not prepared to show it, you know what these foreigners are like, so I tried to shout at them ’get lost filth I know where you live’ but it came out all slurred and unintelligible as these alien trash were obviously tying to hypnotise me!

I then felt them grab me by the arms and pick me up off the floor whereby I heard them speaking in their alien language something like ’gonnafuk indoyouover atthe stashun cahnt’

One then became completely overwhelmed and started vomiting profusely obviously because of the effects of the radioactivity generated by their flying saucer.

Then everything went dark and the next thing I knew I was lying in the ditch just outside the police station covered in bruises where I had obviously fought off the alien attack! It was a good thing the filth.. err sorry the police were close at hand to fend these beings off otherwise God knows what would have happened!