Abandon Ship!

Costa Bloody Fortune

Just seen footage of that dreadful tourist trap The Costa Concordia. Why people want to go on one of those things is beyond comprehension. Still it keeps the riff-raff away from my retreats in that part of the world one supposes.

And God Created Chaos

Read in this morning's paper that Creationists are peddling their theories as science. Tosh!! Don't they have dictionaries? That'll tell the blighters the difference between science and religion. But I suppose that means they will have to pick up a book. What a shower!

Why can't they leave science alone and concentrate on something else? They only cause disruption in circles that do not have anything in common with their theological discourse. These stinkers are a menace!

Still Got the Whit

Bedragglehorn.

Was at a function last night and found oneself being eyed up by a rather undesirable, bedragglehorn, madame from somewhere or other. 

I had other ideas particularly upon a rather beautiful blondy from Baden Baden. Anyway the tedious bedragglehorn came up to me and said the following;

'I've never had sex with an Englishman.'

to which one responded,

'Me neither.'

and promptly strolled over to The beautiful blondy from Baden Baden. Don cha just love life sometimes.

Coffee Calamity

Blast!!

• Waited for coffee pot to boil for ten minutes
• Smelled burning coffee
• Realised forgot to put water in coffee pot
• Burned fingers whilst unscrewing hot coffee pot.
• Emptied burned coffee into bin
• Filled pot with water and screwed top of pot back onto base
• Put pot back onto gas ring
• Put milk into cup and put into microwave, switched microwave

Charging Me to Get Lost

Was at a lovely garden centre at the weekend in the beautiful Berkshire countryside. I was pursuing this fiery redhead, that I had spotted in Whitchurch driving the other way. I swooshed the Porsche round and followed her for ten minutes until she pulled into aforementioned Garden Centre just outside Goring. 

Anyway the redder was meeting her wretched man there. Ghastly fellow! Had lapels on his waistcoat. What sort of a fool does that? Anyway the rotter spotted me clocking his fiance so I ducked into a side alley where I saw a sign that said 'this way to the Saxon Maze.' I realised that this would enable me to lose the bleeder so I followed the sign. Unfortunately, the entrance to it said '£1.50 entrance fee.'

Quite frankly what is the point of that! Fancy charging people to wonder around a maze! I mean did the Saxons charge people to go in? Probably not, so why should they start charging now?


If these people want to charge me £1.50 to wonder around a maze for an hour or so they can get lost!!