Hats Orff...

Good God what the bloody hell is going on!?

I've seen some damn fool things in my time but this marks the beginning of the end. What was this individual thinking? They must be on drugs or worse still, blended scotch!

And just look at the colour of that material. I wouldn't be seen dead in it. It's a cross between pink lavatory paper and 50,000 volts through a person's wedding tackle! It's a disgrace!

Bell: My New Butler

Bell the Butler

Excellent news. That blasted servants strike may soon be over. 

I thought I'd almost lost it when Courtney passed away last year but odds bodkins the other day I solicited the services of a new man called Bell. (see photograph courtesy of Hanson Leatherby)

Anyway, Bell the butler has proved himself to be of great worth and knows his place. And he doesn't flinch at all, for example, last Sunday I thought I would test him out by getting Great Uncle 'Whoopsie' Ware-Armitage to telephone me. Then I would say 'Is that the phone bell' Ha hahah Geddit? Yes? No? and then 'Is that the door bell' Geddit? Ha ha I've still got the old wit don cha know. He didn't even bat an eyelid when I threatened to defenestrate him for leaving the window open.

Channel Tunnel: Complete Disaster!

Foreigner Getting on a Bus

Just been reading about a spat between The Channel Tunnel Consortium and those fellows at the EU. 

Apparently the EU are up in arms about the cost of the fares that the Channel Tunnel Consortium are charging.

The tunnel itself was opened in 1994 after ten thousand years of construction delays and all that sort of thing. It was supposed to facilitate a faster way to traverse the English Channel as opposed to the slow, stinking, latrine of a ferry full of Gypsies, Pagan Swine, manure and other types of people.

S.P.W.A. is a Patron of Charity

Unphoto-shopped brat in street

As one gets older one finds that one puts the world around one in a greater context and realises that there is more to life than resenting having to pay servants, (Assuming they even at least try to do a bit of blasted work that is.)

To this end one has decided to sponsor a charity for the purposes of feeding lower orders around the world. Typically the particular lower order is the one that is too disorganised to get the shopping in, afford servants, eat with a knife and fork and all that sort of thing. I mean look at this completely genuine, unphoto-shopped photograph of a poor little beggar whose handwriting is nothing like mine.

S.P.W.A. & Lord Lucan: Conspiracy Theory

I Was Somewhere Else

Just writing about my good friend that man John Bingham 7th Earl of Lucan or Lord Lucan as he is more popularly known in the lying press.

Lord Lucan or 'Bingy-Boo' as we called him disappeared in November 1974 after the press told everybody he had only he had murdered a servant (allegedly.)

I just want to say here that I was not the one that was with him in that Ford Corsair that drove down to Newhaven. Not that anybody saw two people in a car of that description of course but um... if there were two people in a car of that description then I was not the one in the back seat.