Broken wind is not in itself a problem it is merely a normal bodily function when one has consumed solid material containing amounts of hydrocarbons. This is then released through the digestive process. Beans are usually good for this sort if thing but also my valet, Courtney, swore by brussel sprouts especially for his room-clearing ’workington special’ bless him.
Anyway when entertaining a lady it is most important not to guff just as one is about to sit down. This is a particularly vulnerable stage to be in, with a lady, because as the emission of methane is released from one’s backside the cloud has a propensity to hover in the vicinity of one’s arse.
Whilst it is possible to waft this gaseous waste matter away quite easily with ones hand one runs the risk of being caught out by the lady on this point and by then it would have been too late and she would most probably have started to get her coat and leave. No! One stands a better chance of keeping the date going by retaining ones hand’s at one’s sides.
Right then so if one does indeed expel vapourous material from one’s posterior as one is about to be seated then whatever one does one must not sit! What happens is that as one sits one’s face passes directly through the discharged gases and not only that but one’s face actually comes to rest slap-bang in the middle of the cloud! Disgusting! especially if it contains hydro-sulphurous dioxins.
Whenever this has happened to me one has used a tried and tested get-out formula to not only gloss over the stink of digested vegetable matter hanging in the air suffocating the date but also to exonerate oneself as the perpetrator of the waste discharge. One simply says to the date ’do excuse me but I see you had a curry last night.’
Never fails.
No comments:
Post a Comment