The Mystery of Stonehenge Solved!

The Builders

Yes Stonehenge, that's right Stonehenge. This quite amazing neolithic feature of the British countryside was started in in the year 2600 BC and finished in or about the morning of the 3rd May 2000 BC. I don't know about you but they must have had some pretty dicky builders doing that one! Mind you 600 years to complete that is nothing when you consider that the Parthenon is Athens still hasn't been finished, rotters!

According to Google Stonehenge is currently owned by that fat tub of lard Edward Seymour the 1st Duke of Somerset which is laughable because the twit was executed in 1552. What is even more laughable is that fact that google then provide a telephone number for him so if anyone wants to get back to me and tell me if he's in I'd love to know, here is that number 0870 333 1181. 


By everybody else Stonehenge is owned and managed by the National Trust as part of British heritage which is the only thing left that brings in tourist revenue after the monarchy and all that sort of thing.

So what is the mystery of Stonehenge I hear you ask! Well is it the fact that those huge stones appear to have come from nowhere? Well no they came from a town in Wales called Maenclochog which translates as 'ringing rock.'

Is the mystery the fact that every summer solstice the sun rises and is aligned directly with the heel stone to the centre of stone circle? Well no that isn't a mystery it was built that way so you can scrub that one off.

The Morning of the 3rd May.

Is the mystery related to the fact that some of those huge stones resonate a peculiar sound when struck? (Remember, they do come from that town in Wales) thus created an ambient affect that some claim assists healing? Well I doubt that as the whole place is festooned with graves, what sort of a hospital is that I ask you? 

Is the mystery the fact that those huge stones weighing upwards of 30 tons could only have been transported by methods beyond the means of the neolithic inhabitants. Was it aliens from another planet that helped them? No because that is just very silly.

So what is the mystery of this greatest of monuments of world heritage? I'll tell you what it is. The mystery is why these neolithic people built this monument so close to the blasted A303? This crippy crappy dirt track of a road runs right past Stonehenge and is always blocked by people who have to go to work (Baha hah aha hha hah) and that is today, can you imagine the congestion that must have been caused way back in neolithic times? They can only have used the A36 in to Salisbury and then out again using the A338 a total detour of over 30 miles! Rubbish! Not to mention the extra traffic created in Salisbury.

I mean what were they thinking constructing it there? Don't they know what rubber-necking is? I'm not surprised the entire area is full of neolithic graves they must have all been crashing in to each other as they went past the monument! Idiots! I mean who did they submit the planning application to? I bet they bribed the local transit authority person. I bet they did! That's what bloody  socialism does to people, neolithic socialism as well! I can't imagine that was any better than the sort we have these days It's a disgrace! 

There's only one thing to do with things that violate local planning applications, knock the blasted thing down and make em resubmit the application to the proper authority. That'll sort em out!